


There's More Behind the Skates

by YuuriNikiforov



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alpha Victor Nikiforov, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - Canon, Androgynous Katsuki Yuuri, Katsuki Yuuri is a Tease, M/M, Omega Katsuki Yuuri, Power Bottom Katsuki Yuuri, Slow Burn, VictUuri, Voice Actor Katsuki Yuuri, Will be kinky, Yuuri is a unreliable narrator, Yuuri wears women clothing, tags will be added as the story progresses, viktuuri
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-07
Updated: 2017-09-26
Packaged: 2018-10-29 05:14:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 34,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10847199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YuuriNikiforov/pseuds/YuuriNikiforov
Summary: Yuuri didn't know what he was getting himself into, but he did know that he wanted this job more than anything. Skating wasn't offering him as much as he wanted, and with being an omega he knew it would be harder to find work outside of being a world known skater.Voice acting for BL would be the only way to go about it. It works well with his schedule and he can still skate until he retires (if he makes it that long). Being Aoki Haru would be easy. He would only hope that no other skater found out about his little secret....Or that Phichit would keep his little secret from everyone else.





	1. High Embarrassment & High Need

**Author's Note:**

> New story! I am hoping that I would be able to make larger chapters with this story because it's what I desire. I want to have the motivation to write a story and what better way to do it than a slight AU. It's the canon verse but with a different story. I can't wait to see where this story goes - the idea came to me not too long ago and I wanted to write it down.  
> I'm not as good with writing than most in the fandom but~... I'll try my damn harder.
> 
> -Androgyny is the combination of masculine and feminine characteristics. Gender ambiguity may be found in fashion, gender identity, sexual identity, or sexual lifestyle. It can also refer to one's singing or speaking voice.-  
> In this case, Yuuri still prefers he/him pronouns, he just doesn't prefer masculine clothing.
> 
> Follow me on Twitter and on Tumblr!
> 
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/YuuriKatsucc)  
> [Tumblr](http://anxiousprinceonice.tumblr.com/)

“So… You want to make to make extra money in between seasons, did I get that right?”  
  
“Y-Yes…”  
  
“Hmm…”  
  
Yuuri waited, his eyes gazing towards his best friend as he fidgeted on his bed. He couldn’t help but twiddle his thumbs, a coping mechanism to help with his anxiety as he tried not to dwell on his thoughts that were formulating in his mind.  
  
“...You have a nice voice.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“You have a nice voice. How about you do voice acting…? There is a place by the rink we skate at where there is a Japanese side and an English side. Though, I think they are only hiring for Drama CDs… It could get kind of complicated considering your secondary gender...”  
  
“That’s perfect! Whatever job it is, I don’t care… I know I’ve had my fair share of listening to those but… The job can’t be _that_ bad right? It’s not like I’m actually doing anything and you know I’m terribly safe…!”  
  
Phichit could only nod, gaze bearing into the deepest parts of Yuuri. It’s settled. He would go tomorrow to see whether or not he would be fit for the job… After, of course, calling to confirm an appointment for tomorrow.

 

* * *

  
  
Yuuri’s cheeks were flushed against his slightly pale complexion. He fidgeted in his seat in the waiting room, waiting to be called in. He had little under his belt, but he did hold that he was a known figure skater. That wasn’t good enough, of course, but he still had composed a resume that might actually be worth giving if it weren’t for the fact that he has little to none experience. Still, it was about the voice, not the portfolio. He has experience from his college days when he was asked to do some form of voice over for class projects, and his voice was alway fawned over amongst the ladies in his class but did he care much for it? No. His teachers, though, did sometimes compliment him for his confidence even though he lacked when it came to actually being up there and in front of a class filled with fifty or more people. Maybe that could help with his speaking parts? But… It was the other things that he didn’t quite think he would get.  
  
As soon as he was called, he entered a room. It was a lavish area, a long, glass table sat in the middle of the room with comfortable office chairs scattered about. Three on one side, three on the other, and one at the ends of the table. The man who had led him into the room, tall with light brown hair and beautiful brown eyes, now moved to sit at the table with another man who seemed a bit… Interested in taking in the appearance that is of Katsuki Yuuri. His light green eyes tore into Yuuri, his obviously bleached blonde hair a mess - had something happened with him the night previously and now he was angered that he had been called in? Of course, Yuuri’s anxiety was flaring up again as he tried his best not to shake while walking on over to the chair he was _supposed_ to be sitting in by now. By the time he reached it, he could hear the impatient tapping of a foot from the bleach blonde and it honestly… _Pissed_ Yuuri off a bit.  
  
_Who are you to be impatient? Are you the one who’s going to pick me? Hard ass…_  
  
But would Yuuri ever say these words? No. Never. He wanted a job so he could send a bit more money home than what he was used to without actually saying what he had to do in order for him to get it. Not winning didn’t really earn him much, especially since he rarely ever got a medal. When he did it didn’t hold as much importance as the ones he was aiming to get. Would he ever get it? No. Viktor Nikiforov stood in the way of that - his _long time_ idol and would never _ever_ be replaced. He was perfect with every fiber of his being and after long nights Yuuri found himself dreaming of the beautiful Russian skater. There was nothing that would be able to take his thoughts of him unless it was either Phichit telling him to get out of lala land or his coach, Celestino, telling him that he needed to focus more on skating rather than the Russian.  
  
Maybe he could be his fuel when he was…  
  
“Hello, Yuuri. We spoke on the phone yesterday, Handa Akifumi.” Hearing his name roll off of the tongue of a Japanese male felt foreign to him. Finally, someone who spoke his native language, allowing him to let loose and even relax a bit. He didn’t butcher it like many Americans have in the past. He said it **_just right_ ** . “It’s nice to see you today. I would have never expected a well known skater from Japan here wanting to do some voice acting for something like _this_ .”  
  
“I wasn’t expecting it either.” Short. Sweet. To the point. That’s what Yuuri’s answer was as he gave his little nervous, shy smile that somehow ended up charming many without him meaning to. He didn’t want to give long, dragged out answers when they were unneeded and in this case… He tended to do that when he was nervous as hell.  
  
“What brings you to this job? It doesn’t seem like you at all, you know, from what we have gathered on your personal life. When you called in last minute yesterday, I wasn’t expecting Katsuki Yuuri to be the one saying _‘I want to voice act and I don’t care what it is.’_ It was actually pretty cute.” Akifumi snickered. “How rude am I. I just noticed I haven’t introduced you two just yet. This is my assistant, Niko. He will be overseeing this evaluation to ensure I am making the right decision! From what it looks like, I think I am. You seem, even with little experience in anything close to this, far more suitable for the job than anyone else we have interview. I’m not lying there…”  
  
Yuuri spoke after a light laugh had escaped his lips, “I highly doubt that they were that bad.”  
  
“No, they were. Some of them were simply omegas who desired a fuck from the alphas we hire. We rarely ever hire an omega - all it does is cause trouble. I am glad you are a beta, though!”

Right. When you need to a job and you need it _bad_ you had to lie sometimes. It wasn’t Yuuri’s fault. He couldn’t handle his secondary gender, really, but to avoid anything bad really happening he knew he had to take necessary precautions in order for him to land such a job as this. Omegas could… Become a bit much. He knew this from past experiences and run ins with a few of them (as well as needing to help a few get out of public view so nothing bad happens to them). It wasn’t their fault, of course, it was how their bodies simply reacted.  
  
“We should get on with the interview, Akifumi,” Niko sighed. “Since you’re incompetent, I’ll begin to explain a few things. It’s not that easy to get in, Yuuri. We need to hear your voice, how you will sound when you’re saying you’re lines, and we will also need to hear you moan. The things you will be doing do not require actual physical contact, of course, but you need to know how to fake a moan or at least somehow make it believable.”  
  
Yuuri’s cheeks were a bright red. He… He honestly didn’t know how he sounded when it came to being pleased or even pleasing himself. For most of his life he had lived at the hot springs, and now he had his roommate Phichit. Granted he shouldn’t be doing it with him nearby anyways, but he was very diligent about what he did, and most of the time he was in the bathroom anyways… Still, the water was either too loud or he was too quiet. The times he did have time to do it when the other was out… he never seized the opportunity. He was either too anxious about something, doing his schoolwork, or playing his games like always. That was his life… Or how it used to be, anyways. Getting a job that he wouldn’t have to work all the time would be a new experience for him. Skating was his life but it calling it a job would make it seem like a chore to him and very rarely made money from it due to his constant nerves and the constant flubbing in competition.  
  
Being inexperience in this type of thing was rather embarrassing and rather infuriating, but he was sure they could do something to fix that without requiring sex. He was not going to have sex with a random stranger, oh no. In the very back of his mind he was saving it for someone. Whether he knew that now or not, that was on him, and he wasn’t too focused on the sexual aspect of life to care too much but there will always be that voice that yearns for the one person he really would want to take him for the first time. He has thought about sexual adventures but who hasn’t? He’s just not one to act upon them when he doesn’t really need it. When his heats came around, he was still always quiet. The first time he ever went into his heat was long forgotten, and the past heats up until now he has forgotten as well. His mind was never in the right place and he took pills to make heats last less, especially since he is a world known skater. He took suppressants and made sure to use blockers so no one outside of his circle of friends and family knew that he was, indeed, an omega.  
  
He didn’t want to be looked at by the world as one, especially as a skater.  
  
“I _umm…_ ” Yuuri bit down on his bottom lip and his cheeks flushed. “I don’t… Know how I sound…”  
  
He knew, without a doubt, there would need to be an explanation involved. He didn’t know exactly how he could even begin to explain such a thing as this besides saying he was a virgin. This would be much easier explaining in his omega detail, but he needed to take things into the eyes of a beta. He could have said he was an alpha but even then… Some skaters tried to keep their secondary identity hidden just to not rouse anyone in the crowd, and the stereotypes with secondary identities always made people think differently and even made them ruthless.

“How… Do you not know how you sound?” Akifumi was baffled, his eyes having gone wide. “You want to do a job like this and you haven’t even heard your _own_ voice?”  
  
“Yes… That’s what I most certainly want…”  
  
Laughter between the two before Yuuri erupted, causing Yuuri’s cheeks to heat up more than earlier - _no_ . His _whole_ face was red. He couldn’t believe he had told two strangers, basically, that he was still a virgin at the age of 22. There was a shift, gaze fixated onto the ground as he tried not to become too embarrassed. Granted he was never good at hiding his embarrassment, so soon enough the laughter died down and only turned into little chuckles as both parties before him tried to speak.  
  
“Hmm… Well, your voice is amazing. It makes me want to get down on my knees and beg, so how about this? We can take you to one of our private rooms and you can try practicing a little bit? We can help you out if you’d like. You could please yourself so you can get a real feel and then afterwards you can try faking your moans. Sometimes it’s a natural talent for people. They live their lives being quiet and find out that they can fake moans easier than producing real ones.”  
  
When Niko suggested this, it caused another heat to crawl up on Yuuri. This time all heat pooled downwards, body hot with embarrassment but the mere thought of getting to release pent up frustration after weeks of no pleasure actually made him needy for it. Maybe it was also because his sex drive hasn’t really peaked since he went on his suppressants again. In about two months or so, right when his heat would have fallen, he would have to leave to different countries and he couldn’t go into heat for a week when he needed to go out there and skate. He also didn’t want to risk going into heat before then because he needed as much practice time he could get and as much rest since he was pining for such a job like this. It would take time to finish up a drama CD, and both schedules needed to mix together. Yuuri had a set schedule - at least three afternoons to himself and two mornings to himself. He would have to bring this up later.  
  
“I…”  
  
But he was hesitating on doing it in a room he wasn’t familiar with.  
  
“Alright.”  
  
Still, he agreed, his cheeks flushed a bright red as he let out a gentle little laugh and then shook his head. He didn’t know how he would be going about this or what he would have to think when it comes to needing a motive to please himself and to moan out, but he needed to go with his gut from what he’s seen in the videos he’s watched when he was lucid while playing with his body. He couldn’t believe he’s gone years without hearing the sound of his own voice. It was pathetic that he was needing to even do something about this and it was even more pathetic that two strangers now knew of his little secret that he rarely told anyone. Even so, they made him as comfortable as possible when the two stood and began to lead him down the hallway and into another room.  
  
When he entered the room, he noticed the calm setting. The walls were painted a light blue with colorful paintings decorating along the walls - vases with flowers painted, as well as bowls of fruit but there were no faces that would dare to distract him. In the center of the room there was a comfortable chair that Yuuri could sit in, or in the corner of the room there was a couch he could lay down on as long as he promised to not make too much of a mess. The window that stood at the far back of the room had the blinds closed shut with only little light seeping through to add the least bit of natural sunlight. What was really powering is the the unnatural lighting that illuminated the room from the lights above their heads - five in a row, in circles, two lines but all going down on opposite sides of the room to even out the lighting.  
  
Yuuri felt… Calm.  
  
When he took his steps inside, he glanced back to the two men who had led him here. They explained that they might have to do some listening only if Yuuri was comfortable with it. While on the inside the mere thought of having two strangers listening into his moans terrified him, all he could do was agree because soon enough they would be listening into fake yet realistic moans as well as thousands or even millions of people. He needed to be confident, not a coward that likes to hide in the shadows. So, after answering his little question, he shut the door and headed straight for the couch. He needed to be loud enough to be heard, but not too loud. He needed to make sure that each sound would be the sound a bottom with make and of course he knew how he could get such an effect out himself.  
  
Slowly, he slipped into the pockets of his jacket, a sigh leaving his lips, and he got out his phone plus his earbuds. He slipped one bud inside of his ear and then connected them to his phone, pulling up his internet browser and began typing something in. As he stared down at the phone he couldn’t help that his cheeks grew a little brighter when he stared at the phone screen and what website he was on. God, he’s never felt so dirty in his life - he couldn’t believe he was actually doing this! Maybe this wasn’t how things are usually done, but this was necessary because Yuuri surely couldn’t fake the moans that were already faked through porn videos when he always tries to forget them after the deed is done. It’s been too long either way so he wouldn’t have remembered a damn thing since then.  
  
He, slowly, slipped down his pants and kicked them off, then he moved to lay down on the couch, slipping his briefs down a little bit and spread his legs out. “Mm…” He groaned - he couldn’t believe he was already growing hard without having thought much or even watched much. Alas, he did want to get things over with and he didn’t even know whether or not watching something would help him. When he clicked on something that seemed at least a little bit interesting, he skipped some of the scenes and finally went to the action. His mind was swimming. All he could think about were the things he wanted to do with _him_ , the man he always had dreams about. All he ever wanted, despite having never thought of his sexuality much (but with what he wore, the evidence clearly pointed to whom he was more interested in) he always had these dreams about the one guy he’s ever wanted on top of him.

 **_Viktor Nikiforov_ **.

His heart raced, his lips parted, and his breathing began to pick up. He reached for the bottle of lotion that had been given to him and rubbed some into his hand. Soft moans escaped his freshly bitten lips as he began to please himself, head immediately tilting back as he finally gave his aching cock attention. He let the moans in one ear file on in, as the other could hear his own self moaning out for the one he wanted the most. They were cute, small things that were leading up to louder, more extravagant ones. His hand was moving at a slow pace, his thumb teasing the head of his cock as sometimes it would press down into the slit. Then he would resume with the slow pace of his stroking, sometimes even letting out a soft sigh at how good the pleasure felt.  
  
He needed more than just a simple hand on his cock.  
  
He grabbed the lotion once again and made sure to get at least three fingers covered. Then he pushed his briefs down all the way to his ankles so he could spread his knees apart a bit better. The one hand moved down to the front of him as the other continued to stroke his hard cock. He’s long forgotten his phone. All he was focusing on were his own moans that could be heard probably from the two outside and how he could hear how ridiculous they sounded to himself. Still, he moaned. He moaned over and over again as he slipped fingers into his body with ease, his other hand having sped up in the process of his stroking.  
  
And then after a little while it was all over. He could finally breathe properly again, and now it felt like he had a natural blush on his cheeks for how much embarrassment he’s handled in one day.

After having pleased himself, he practiced faking it and _damn_ he was good at it. He did a little test recording and they loved the way the male sounded. He was sent off with instructions to come in tomorrow morning as well as having a script in his hands to read over a little bit that night (which would be done after practice, of course). He went into skating practice that afternoon with one of the biggest smiles on his face and to be fair… The movement of his feet were more fluid as he had gained a little more confidence than what he had had the day previously. Moaning out for people you don’t know really boosted him - slightly, of course - but it still made his cheeks hot and his heart race. To think that anyone could find out that it was him at any given moment made his heart skip beats but… He knew nothing bad would come out of it considering his fake name would be far from _Yuuri Katsuki_.

 

* * *

 

“THEY MADE YOU DO WHAT?!”  
  
“Phichit! S-Stop laughing at me…!”  
  
“BUT THAT’S HILARIOUS!”  
  
The sound of Phichit’s laughter echoed throughout their room, his hands clasped to his stomach as he was doubled over. The fact that he heard his best friend needing to masturbate in order for him to know what he sounds like was _hilarious_ . It made Phichit think about how embarrassed the poor guy must have felt, and from the look on his face he was correct about his assumption. Still, he couldn’t help but laugh and Yuuri was furious over this, fuming over the fact that it wasn’t nice of him to laugh at him! He closed his eyes tightly as he began to yell that the other needed to stop before he leaves and never comes back. He swears it.  
  
That made Phichit cease his laughing, wiping the tears out of his eyes as he was sitting down onto his bed.  
  
“I can’t believe you had to masturbate to hear your own voice…” Phichit snickered. “Did it feel good knowing people were listen-”  
  
“I-I’m not a pervert like that, Phichit…!” Yuuri exclaimed, crawling into the other male’s bed before then hiding underneath his blanket. “You know how I am… It was embarrassing and I wanted to die a little bit on the inside, you know?” He then moved to press his face into Phichit’s side, letting out a tiny whine as his head was pat underneath the blanket. “I can’t believe I had to do that though… If word ever got out… I’d be ruined! Worse! Viktor would end up finding out how filthy I am…”  
  
“Hey! Don’t say that! Your idol would never think such things towards someone. Who knows…” Phichit slowly lifted up the blanket to crawl under the covers with Yuuri. “He might just enjoy the fact that you had to think of him while you-”  
  
“THAT’S IT!” Yuuri yelled and suddenly pushed Phichit off of the bed. Immediately he heard the satisfying _thud!_ that made him laugh, poke his head out, and then hid again once a loud groan escaped Phichit’s lips. “You deserved that, you know.”  
  
“I know…” Phichit slowly began to stand up, rubbing his backside a bit. “Yuuri~. I think it’s really cute that you think of your idol when you do it… Even if you haven’t thought about your sexuality much, you are obviously leaning more towards men… And your choice in style? Honey! You have it bad for your longtime idol and you know it! Who knows… If you make it to the Grand Prix Finale this year then maybe you might get to meet him and get to… Hear him talk to you in that sweet, sweet voice of yours…”  
  
Yuuri couldn’t help but poke his head back out once again, playing with the blanket a little bit as he stared down towards it. He then sighed as he rested back on the bed, shaking his head at the thought of Viktor actually talking to him or even acknowledging him. He didn’t think it would be possible at all, so of course he shook his head and laughed, whispering, “Even if we were placed in the same cup, I don’t think he would ever talk to me. Maybe you could be placed in the same cup as him. You do much better than what I ever will.” He was being hard on himself, especially knowing that he did do better a little better than Phichit, but of course he tried to deny all these facts as he was quiet, staring down towards his own hands as Phichit stared at him _completely mortified._

“Yuuri! You did better than me last year! I was only eighteen. You have way more experience than I do and you actually did get a medal if you don’t remember that! Just because you didn’t come close to gold and didn’t get to go to the GPF last year doesn’t mean anything!”

“I got one medal and it was _bronze_. The next competition I completely flunked it because of the pressure that I could actually do good. I did decently at Nationals, the Four Continents, and Worlds, yeah, but… It wasn’t as good at Viktor. Not even close and you know that. I won’t even come close to being near him,” Yuuri sighed. “What makes you think I have what it takes to come close to four time world champion Viktor Nikiforov. He will never look at me the way that all those random men look at me-- Ah, I don’t even want him to look at me like that.” There was a nervous laugh that escaped his lips. The men who did look at him on the streets only lusted. There was no love in their eyes because who would love Katsuki Yuuri?

No one. 

Phichit shook his head and moved right in next to Yuuri, sliding under the covers once again before then wrapping his arms around his waist. He then buried his face into his neck, mumbling, “Stop thinking so bad of yourself, Yuuri… You are much stronger than this… Let’s go to bed. We had a long day of skating today.” He was slowly stroking the top of his best friend’s head, sighing softly as sometimes he would play with his hair, twirling it around with his finger as he tried to soothe the older man before him. He hated it when his best friend suffered like this. He never wanted him to cry or to falter due to his feelings. He knew, oh, he _knew_ how Yuuri was in love with Viktor and has been for the longest time even if he hadn’t known it before. Now that he knew? He didn’t know how Yuuri was going to push through this. He could only hope that he wouldn't let this mess him up.  
  
“You’re too good to me… I don’t deserve such a friend like you…” Yuuri mumbled, sleepily. As the other was playing with his hair, he couldn’t help but have his eyes closed. Phichit always knew what soothed him. His nerves calmed, his breathing slowed, and his eyes were soon closed for the night.

 

* * *

  
  
The next day after morning practice, Yuuri braced himself as he walked on into the studio. He met up with Akifumi and immediately they began to discuss the material they would be working on today and that the deadline was, gladly, right before Yuuri’s practicing had to pick up since it was winding down to the final two weeks before he ended up leaving for the season of skating that would soon commence. Of course he would have a short break in between cups but… That time would only be left for skating and they had to understand that skating was his life for now. Throwing it all away for something so small to him would mean that his career meant so little to him. It didn’t. Despite the constant thoughts of quitting due to not feeling good enough about himself, he would always have a love for figure skating in his heart and he would never want to stop skating…  
  
One day, though, maybe he would and this job would help him with an income if he did decide to stay in Detroit. If not, he could find something similar in Japan even if he had to take the train everyday. He never wants to be a burden to his family, especially now. He would rather live a life on his own money, not his parents money and this was one of his main reasons as to why he decided to get this job. He didn't think he would have had to do embarrassing things ever for a job, but alas he needed to. It was a job. He didn't want a job he would have to quit later on because he couldn't be there (like a job at a supermarket). With his crazy schedule, they wouldn't help him (and he was still finishing up his final semesters in college with extra work because he needed to finish fast and graduate). To be given an opportunity of a job like this wasn't what he would wanted, of course, but it was greatly appreciated and he was glad he was easily chosen.

Today was the first day of recording.

Yuuri held the script in his hands, staring at the words on the page. He glanced towards his companion of the series, smiling shyly towards him. He was nervous that he was being eyed like he was, but he chose to try and ignore it instead of dwelling on it the situation. That was pointless, a mere waste of his time, and people always looked at him so why did it matter? He expressed himself with an interesting taste in fashion. While he was shy, especially when it came with talking, he was always very expressive in different things, especially when he skated. When he skated, he created music with his body and caught the eyes of many others around him. Even if he did mess up, everyone still loved his performance.

Though even with creating music with his body, he still felt like he could never compare to some of the professionals out there.

He began reading out his lines, creating the right voice for his persona. He didn't want to be recognizable, so his voice was softer and higher than what he was used to. It was easy to change his voice, easier than what he would have thought. His eyes were glued to the pages as he read some of them aloud, granted wanting to learn the script but for now would just read off of it until doing so. He only wanted to briefly glance towards him, not wanting to stare at it the entire time. The characters encountered each other, finally, and Yuuri’s cheeks flushed as he began reading out what he was supposed to say. He was cute yet seductive, practically casting a spell on the other male when he spoke. What their characters are supposed to do is have a simple one night stand that leads to so much more.

But it creates problems for Yuuri’s character. He's anxious, he's shy, and despite his seducing he was always like that. It made him think of himself a bit. Would this end up being him in the future? He doubt it, to be honest. He'd probably never find someone who is willing to take care of someone like him. His anxiety and wavering depression wasn't something anyone could get used to, and he constantly doubted himself and put himself down because he could never learn to love himself despite others telling him he most certainly could if he tried.

He’s been trying for _years_.

When someone tells him he never tries, it angers him. He does try. He tries everyday and no matter what it never works out for him.

Until he loves himself, he didn't think he would ever find love. **_Ever_ **.

Reading the script made him fall in love with his character and his now new job. This way he could find a way to overcome shyness and actually speak out. While in real life he might never be able to overcome the sadness in his heart or how it was hard to communicate, but as he spoke and moaned into the microphone he thought _at least I have this_. He has this alternate personality that makes him feel different, unlike himself, and that only made things better. He didn't want to be Katsuki Yuuri. He wanted to be Aoki Haru - his name that would be released on the BL drama - and live the life of Aoki Haru, confident enough to do something like this; to moan on command; to talk as if nothing mattered. Haru would be like a second personality to him if he ever did any interviews, but would it ever be live and in front of an audience? No. It would be an interview clip. If he ever did want to go public with what he did he would, but right now he didn't.

Yuuri’s voice matched well with his character, even Akifumi thought so as well. He could tell Yuuri was trying to project how cute his character was in his own little way that didn't overdo it like most. He managed. This job wasn't as hard as some people thought it would be. It was relatively easy, especially making a different voice (granted he's always been able to impersonate someone). He was practically _made_ for this job. That's what made Yuuri happy.

“Alright Yuuri. Do you think you could try and be a little louder when you moan for him? You're a bit… Softer than what we wanted for the scene. Luckily we caught on before you two continued.”

Yuuri’s cheeks were flushed once again as he tried to hold down his prolonging embarrassment. First it was a light hue, now he was redder than before. With each explanation on how he should sound, it drove him crazy and made him feel a bit… Weird. Never before has he done something like this - moaning on command - and so needing to be perfect hadn't crossed his mind until he was told he needed to do a little better. Wasn't he doing good already? Why did they have to stretch it further than what it needed to be? He was trying his damn hardest, not wanting to already give up because he was actually doing a decent job at something for once.

The other voice actor was perplexed as to why Yuuri was stressing, only to take into account that he was new at this. That's when he decided to try and calm the poor male down when they were done with recording for the day.

“We were never properly introduced. I'm Okashi. It's very nice to meet you, Yuuri, in person. I’ve watched you skate for years now. When I heard you were doing something like this, I was very surprised.”

“O-Oh…” Yuuri’s cheeks were flushed a bright red as soon as he heard that he knew of him. He couldn't help but glance off to the side, rubbing the back of his neck slowly. “As long as you don't tell anyone who I am, I'm glad you're a fan. I needed extra money. Skating and not getting much out if it isn't helping me at all. I want money for when I get out of school and maybe when I retire if I do anytime soon.”

“Ah… Would you like to go out for some hot chocolate? I know that your favorite.” Okashi couldn't help but smile as he stared down towards the blushing beauty before him. He then moved to pat the top of his head. “I think it will be able to calm you down a little bit. I can also help you improve your voice, if you'd like. Not during those scenes if that’s what you’re thinking… You're actually pretty good at moaning, you know.”

Yuuri was bright red when he spoke, hands pressed to his face as he curled his toes. “O-Okay… We can go to my favorite café near the rink.”

“Oh. I love that place. You're talking about Landry’s, right?”

Yuuri quickly nodded, a small smile on his face. “Let's go then.”

 

* * *

 

The two of them immediately hit it off. They talked about the industry a little bit more, how Yuuri could improve, and how well he was doing already. Then they talked about his skating career and how much Okashi looked up to Yuuri, and how he watched him suffer through the years and thought he was very brave. He still managed to always put on an incredible performance no matter how anxious he was, minus the few slip ups he has had. Of course, no matter what he did, someone would always love Yuuri’s work and he never knew… Why?

“I have always admired you for being a public figure with huge differences. When you first wore your casual clothes in an interview and were asked why you wore what you wore, I thought, ‘wow, he's amazing…’ I never thought a man so important would come out by saying he enjoyed wearing dresses and skirts…”

Yuuri sighed softly and set down his jumbo cup of hot chocolate. Yes. He enjoyed it that much. “I haven't really even figured out my sexuality… Yet. I might be bisexual but I've never shown much attraction to women. I might be gay because… Um… Who I think of when I… You know…”

“Oh?” Okashi smirked, head tilted slightly to the side. “Is it a man you think of when you pleasure yourself?”

Yuuri couldn't help but shyly nod, biting down gently on his bottom lip when he decided to glance off to the side. “Yeah… And when I'm doing my voice acting, all I can think about is him... I think I might have found who I really? I don't know…” 

“You think of him all the time, right?”

“Yes…”

“Do you think about women at all?”

“No… Not really...”

“Do you imagine yourself, when you're playing with yourself, that you're underneath a man and never a woman?”

“Yes…” Yuuri shifted a little bit, biting down on his bottom lip lightly. “Why are you asking this of me…?” He had always thought of himself leaning more towards men, so maybe he did know who he was on the inside, but sometimes he did have his doubts from the dates he has been on with women… But there was never something there. He could never feel something for a woman and whenever he watched things… He focused more on the men - or just watched something with only men in it. The confusion was that some people who were like him were perfectly straight, but they had already found the perfect girl to love them beforehand and they never left the poor guy when it was found out that the man enjoyed wearing clothing for women. It wasn’t a normal thing, but…  
  
He wasn’t like that, was he? He always thought about Viktor when he would please himself, so of course he figured something might be up but… What the other said next answered all his questions in an instant...

“Well… I’m asking because I think that all of that should conclude your search of identity. You, Yuuri Katsuki, are most certainly gay.You should not have even questioned it before. That was nothing more than just a waste of your time.”  
  
It felt so right hearing that.

 


	2. Nerve-wracking Situations & Notable Mistakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When he screamed, he screamed.
> 
> When he moaned, he moaned.
> 
> When he cried, he faked a cry.
> 
> He did everything he was asked. Was everything going to be okay?
> 
> -The BL CD is released and the competitions are coming!-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me a month to make this and the length of the chapter can tell you why! I also did some traveling near the end of May and decided not to work on the story on the long car ride because... I kind of wasn't feeling up to it at that particular moment? Though, I have been working on it throughout the weeks and I am hoping it's decent enough. I had to go through and redo all the italics since I used grammarly to help me out a little bit and boy was there a lot to fix. 
> 
> Also! I might have made a mistake with the whole birthday thing? But if it says that his birthday falls on competition days, that's not true. I wanted to make sure they go to Russia for the GPF like in the show but I'll have to alter the next GPF of the series so they go to Barcelona. The timeline I'm doing it in they go to Japan for the next GPF but I might as well make it line up with the anime (if there will be another GPF huhu).
> 
> Follow me on Twitter and on Tumblr to see Yuri!!! on Ice stuff and possible updates!
> 
>  
> 
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/YuuriKatsucc)  
> [Tumblr](http://anxiousprinceonice.tumblr.com/)

The months were slowing easing by, and the release for the new BL in Japan was a new craze amongst mainly the female audience. Yuuri was becoming more and more anxious as time was ticking by, and soon enough he would be on a plane to his first cup and hope to God that he would be able to do something with his career. He just hoped nothing would stand in his way of his shot at the GPF. To think that it was so close yet so far… He was always on edge and always - no matter what time it was - he thought he would end up failing rather than succeed. At least he had his voice acting to take his mind off of things for right now. 

It was another day of being in the studio, his lips moving as he spoke words in character, and his eyes were sometimes closed as he tried focusing on his lines and his voice. Okashi and him had grown closer the more they spend time together in the studio. They often went out when neither of them was busy with what they do on the side - Yuuri skated, Okashi worked at a fast food restaurant. They both often had rather different schedules, but they seemed to have a great way to meet right after they worked on some lines that day, perfected them, and then shot through a whole scene.

The release of the Drama BL CD was being spread around like wildfire the closer the release date was. Anxiety was building, and the tension was high, and everyone seemed to be on the edge of their seat every single time Yuuri would talk to someone. Would they be finishing in time or no? What the hell was going on and why was everyone on edge? He was trying to figure it out himself but decided to continue on with what he was doing. Ignoring it would be his only option as he continued to speak into the microphone and focus on the words he spoke and all the emotions he had to convey through his person.

When he screamed, he screamed.

When he moaned, he moaned.

When he cried, he faked a cry.

He did everything he was asked. Was everything going to be okay?

The worry was beginning to show upon Yuuri and his features as he played with his own fingers in thought when they had finished recording the last scene. Then they said they would have to go over a few more scenes and Yuuri immediately moved to grab at the script. Every single order he was given he followed. Every single time he was told to speak louder, he did. He did absolutely everything he could do to please the studio managers. They still needed to work on scenes for the next few days, but that was only the editing process. After today, Yuuri would be able to focus on skating… Until the release came out and he has the potential for interviews. If he did, oh well. He could try doing it from his hotel if they were desperate enough. What the male did know for Yuuri was that his life was going to get much more hectic from here on.

When the day ended, he had to return his rink for skating. He was a little tired from the previous days considering his coach was working him to the bone. His feet killing him by the time the night was over, and on his days off he had to always sit down, or he wouldn’t be able to stand for the next day at all. Working himself like this wasn’t ideal, but it needed to be done for someone as anxious as Yuuri. He wanted to do his best, and he couldn’t do his best if he didn’t put maximum effort into what he did. Skating was his career, his big job, and he loved it with all his heart. What he needed to do was focus on that as soon as this whole thing was over and done with. He just couldn’t wait for it.

But as October drew near his anxiety got the best of him. 

 

* * *

 

Competitions had always been throughout the whole year. The periodic breaks Yuuri had were blissful. Nowadays he had more things that occupied his free time. Now that it was September all he was set on was skating and nothing but skating. His feet, at times, were bruised and blistered. This was never a rare occurrence, so of course, he has grown used to the pain. The pain was nothing compared to whatever pain he had in his burning in his heart, always throbbing as there was no love brought upon it. There was nothing that could take his mind off of it and his anxiety…

But when he began voice acting - which was rather flexible with his busy schedule and the days he did have to leave it was good for their schedule either way. It was a simple Drama CD. Of course, it would take some time but not _too_ long. It was as if they practically had all the time in the world. Yuuri was glad he could find a job that would help him through the eleven months he endured the pain and suffering. Eleven months took a lot out of him.

September was a good month. He had little going on (minus the practicing), so they pushed through all the scenes they needed to. The editing process had run smoothly, and now the CD was being distributed all around Japan and _man_ was it a hit. Yuuri’s cheeks flushed at every single comment he saw on the internet from reviews online. Day one women and even men went through the whole entire thing. This feeling bubbling deep inside the dark haired male was something foreign, and with every single comment, he saw the feeling would always come back. He was… _Overjoyed_ for the first time in years. It was overwhelming him and his senses and for a second he had even begun to forget the terror that would soon come forth with the rest of his skating season that was coming up.

But as soon as he received his plane tickets for his first event all of it had washed away. Now he was utterly _terrified_ of what was to come. To think he would be skating on the same ice as Viktor once again (despite how many years it has been) was beyond the poor, anxious male. He had always found himself self-doubting, scolding himself for thinking the guy would ever notice someone as mediocre as Yuuri. He would also never surpass the other male and why would he want to? The other had his title, and he was going to be a five-time winner this year if he did make it, next year possible six and the year after that possible seven. There was no stopping the world champion after so many years of him skating, so to skate on the same ice with him was an honor. Yuuri looked up to Viktor, so of course, he would think this way. He was his idol, and there was never a moment where he wasn’t thinking about him in some way.

But he would never get noticed… Right?  

Skate America was up first, and Yuuri flew to Washington. It wasn’t too far from where he was, and the flight was very unneeded to him, to be honest. Little time on the plane seemed to last a lifetime though as he was trying to calm his nerves down. Every time he would think about something different he would always believe he could fail at any particular moment and everyone out there could laugh at him due to his failures. This wasn’t what he wanted at all especially since he was having more to worry about than usual. The rise of his CD was already beginning to become noticed in America, and some people have even gotten it internationally shipped somehow. At some points, he thought he even heard someone girls on the street talking about it as if it were some sort of common topic and that only made him more nervous.

_Did they like how he sounded or did he sound so stupid that they were laughing at his voice?_

He knew he was getting ahead of himself, so he tried to shake it off and think about other things such as competing in his first competition leading up to the Grand Prix (if he could even make it that far). The confidence was slowly building up though as he practiced on the ice once again but in an entirely different city. He could see how some of the people surrounding him were far more nervous than what he was, but on the inside, of course, Yuuri was shattering to pieces with every single thought that was directed to how terrible he could end up being. Still, he stayed as calm as he was able to and with the help of Celestino comforting him and Phichit who had called him the night before his first skate the confidence only boosted once again. As his confidence grew, it only reflected on how he could perform when he skates this year. This confidence was short-lived, but it was enough for him to breeze by his short program the next day.

His free skate was what he was terrified over.

While he did his best and earned high marks, he only managed to get a silver medal. It crushed him only slightly, thinking, ‘ _Maybe this program isn't the best for me… I barely made it out with a silver medal… Will I be okay?_ ’ Worry was setting in, and he knew he would have to do better for the month he had a break… But considering he was matched up with Viktor in the NHK Trophy in Sendai, he knew he wouldn't be able to even come close to gold. At the same time, he knew that Viktor would barely even notice him, maybe just go off to practice his hand movements like he always does before coming close to notice him. Maybe there was that little hope spiraling out of control deep inside of Yuuri, but he knew not to get his hopes up too much.

Why did he always think about Viktor…? Why couldn't he just get him out of his mind anymore? The thought of him actually talking to him or staring at him with those beautiful blue eyes caused shivers to run down his spine. He wanted it. He's always wanted it. He hated it whenever the other would look at someone else, and those stories about him dating some girl only for them to break up a week later always irked the young, twenty-two-year-old male. After his next competition, he would be turning twenty-three… Oh…

Twenty-three. Oh no... Phichit was surely going to make a fuss to every single skater, and there would be this damn party in his honor after all the skating… He could only hope this wouldn't be the case. All he needed to focus on right now, though, was practicing and the little interviews he had waiting for him back in Detroit. He couldn't wait to talk to someone through Skype voice, voice recording in front of a live audience. He needed to make sure that no one found out who he was and he needed to hold down his flustered self and make sure he kept his composure. Okashi would be there with him the whole entire time, holding him, and he had been at the competition as well to provide moral support.

He didn't know what he would do without him…

 

* * *

 

“Yuuri, remember, try and keep your persona voice intact. Make sure not to stray from topics, and no information about your real personal life is allowed. We have yet to come up with more details about your life, but you are supposed to be a rising star so it shouldn't matter. Do you understand what I'm saying to you?”

Yuuri could only nod.

“Good. On in five.”

Yuuri took a deep breath. He's done many interviews before, so this should be nothing to him, but it was the fact that the content he was speaking of was nothing something a skater should be speaking of. He felt like he would be humiliated if anyone learned of his secret that he had.

No one would ever find out.

“It’ll be okay, Yuuri~” Okashi softly said to the male, rubbing his back before planting a gentle kiss on his cheek. “You'll do great.” He smiled. “I know you will…” He whispered into his ear. “You always know how to voice yourself when it comes to being Haru. Don’t be scared. Just be _Haru_.”

Yuuri could only sigh at this and shake his head. Yes, he knew how to speak differently when it came to being someone else, but it still made him nervous nonetheless. He couldn’t calm his nerves once they started, but he sure did try by doing his regular breathing exercises, waiting to hear the Skype tone go off so he could click voice chat. He waited… Waited five full minutes. When the call did come, Yuuri was quick to answer it. His finger had pressed on it a little faster than what he had expected, and at first, he even thought he had clicked the wrong thing, but gladly he didn’t. He could hear the voice of the show host, hearing the introductions, and he felt as if the room had become a hundred degrees hotter when he was introduced as the ‘cute new uke of voice acting.' Well… Damn. Thank _God_ no one knew who he truly was.

“Now! Let’s get on with the show. Haru~. Could you say hello to the audience for me?”

“H-Hello…” Yuuri tried to say as loud as he could, pressing his hands to his cheeks. “I’m glad I can answer your questions today…”

“Wow… They sure were right when they actually called you cute, huh? Shy, aren’t we?”

“A little bit… I’ve never really done something like this before. Okashi has done this many times… He’s been a big help to me on this road to success…”

“Tell me, Haru, when you heard the numbers of how many CDs had been sold, what was your reaction? We sure as hell weren’t expecting something like this to receive such high ratings and it seems as if you weren’t when you did a magazine interview earlier in the sales.”

“Well, when I saw the sale count for the second time I was very surprised… Our studio here is very, very small and we aren’t even based in Japan currently. I was glad, though, because this is my first job ever. To hear that my voice is successful well… It made my cheeks red, but a smile was brought to my face,” Yuuri couldn’t help but pause to laugh before then continuing on. “I think the reason as to why it’s become so hot in Japan is because there is a large audience of females who enjoy this type of thing. I heard it was hard to find someone actually willing to do this kind of job and not just to find a hot alpha to be their lover…”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Well… I’m a beta… And it seems to have made this job much easier since I am. I don’t go into heat and… I am not really that attracted to alphas very much. While they are appealing to look at, some of them scare me~. Okashi, though, is really nice and I’m glad to have become his friend… We worked very hard on this and sometimes he would even come over so we could practice a few lines. We decided to work together in the same recording booth whenever we did have parts together. When we didn’t, we always did that on our own. I felt embarrassed when it came to talking to myself or talking to other people. Those _extras_ I have never met though for a few reasons that I’m not allowed to discuss~.”

“I see, I see. We know so little about you, so this information is rather valuable. You’re a beta, hm? Does that mean you mainly appeal to being a bottom though? If so… Do you tend to spend more time with other betas then?”

“Well…” Yuuri had to stop himself from mentioning his best friend. “I haven’t really… Done it with anyone before. I had someone who’s offered many times before, but I only think of him as a mere friend to me. I wouldn’t want to ruin a valuable friendship by getting help from a friend like that. What if he had fallen in love with me or I fell in love with him? While it’s impossible in general… It can still happen.”

“Do you have a crush on Okashi then? We have heard speculations that the voice actors might be in a relationship, but you aren’t really attracted to alphas, right?”

Yuuri widened his eyes. Oh, his whole face was hot by now! He could feel Okashi slowly wrap his arm around his waist and laugh deeply. It sent a little shiver down Yuuri’s spine but… He didn’t think of the man that way, yet he was still speechless of what to say because of the embarrassment that pooled deep into his body and showed on the outside by his face and ears. “Well… Um…”

“He doesn’t,” Okashi chimed in. “He’s just a little speechless because he wouldn’t have expected others to think such a thing. We are just very good friends who work on a BL CD together. Other voice actors are friends and work on these types of CDs together. So, of course, we would have the same relationship, but… Haru is a little liar when it comes to not liking alphas very much. I have seen him _staaare_ a few times.” Of course, this was just mere teasing. “Kidding, kidding, but he does speak fondly of this guy he knows. He might be an alpha, he might be a beta, but Haru hasn’t really picked up on his secondary gender.”

Yuuri sighed softly, “It seems like Okashi knows a little too much about me…” He huffed and shook his head slowly. “But that’s the right thing about this all. We’ve grown so much closer, it makes me happy that I have a brand new friend who I can rely on…”

“That’s splendid…” The host hummed in approval. He began to direct his questions to Okashi now though, taking the weight off of the poor, in the closet Omega who needed to cool off a little bit.

When the questions for Okashi stopped, it was drawing closer to the thirty-minute mark. He couldn’t believe he had so many questions that were directed for the both of them, but the other male was quick to respond instead of Yuuri and actually kept the conversation going. Of course, he couldn’t keep it going for too long. They had around five more minutes left, and Yuuri was growing more nervous each and every time he felt a question would be directed towards him. Finally, there were some, and his breath had hitched.

“Haru, how do you feel when you’re doing a job like this? Excited?”

“Um… Well… I actually felt a little nervous at first because I felt like I wouldn’t be good enough for a job like this. After a while, though, I felt more excited than anything. All my nerves went away, and I was excited to come into work each and every day. Okashi made things fun, especially in the mornings when I was dead tired. Our schedule was always wacky, but we made it work and ensured that everyone could come in the day. Besides this job, I’m always busy with my other hobbies and my other job, as well as me being in school still.”

“So that means you’re young?" 

“Yes.” Yuuri chuckled. “I think you could tell that I am young. This part, I felt, wasn’t really for me because I am too innocent? If that makes any sense… Though, being innocent didn’t keep me from doing something… _Amazing_. I feel as if this helped me out with my confidence… Just a little bit, not too much. I am still not that confident, but the more I do this I think I will gain more confidence.”

“That’s great! Oh…! It seems that we are out of time. It was wonderful getting to learn more about you, Haru, and it was nice to find out more about you as well Okashi!”

“Thank you for having us~...” Yuuri sang softly. When the call went off, the poor man sighed and shook his head. “Jesus… That was too much for me…”

“It was only a full thirty minutes,” Okashi rolled his eyes and shook his head. “You’ve done a lot of interviews before. I’m sure this wasn’t too bad for you. The topic may be different, yeah, but it’s still an interview. You shouldn’t worry too much. It seems like they loved you - they loved us.”

Yuuri huffed and punched the male in his arm. “I’m going to go home and rest now. I’m tired.” He stood up and pat Okashi’s head, slowly. “I’ll see you later.”

“Bye,” Okashi poked Yuuri’s stomach, smirking at the squeak that had escaped the male’s lips.

 

* * *

 

The next few weeks passed by quickly. This would be the competition that would set it all in stone. This would be the competition where Yuuri would be so close to Viktor that he could even reach out and touch him if he wanted to. Of course, he wouldn’t dare to get close to someone as famous as Viktor, but there was a lot he really did wish he could do. His nerves, whenever he came close to talking to the older male, always got the best of him and he always backed down. Has he been noticed by now? Maybe not, but there was no way of actually knowing without asking. He wishes he could be Phichit… The Thai male could honestly go up to Viktor and speak to him if he wanted to. Has he done it yet? No, Phichit hasn’t really had the chance, but it didn’t mean he wouldn’t do it this time.

And he most likely would.

Yuuri felt like a mental breakdown was coming his way every single day. He wanted to self-destruct; go into hiding and never come out. Why couldn’t he do that? Why couldn’t he just hide away forever from the world, never having to look at another person again? Alas, he had to go out and be the skater he was, and possibly win like he had his first competition. While the stakes weren’t as high this time, he was still in competition with Viktor and Phichit wasn’t as experienced but he was still here too. The other people Yuuri could care less about. All he cared about were the two individuals he’s focused on all these years of his skating career.

“Yuuuriii…” Phichit whined. “We have a week left. Come on. Everything will be okay. Just stop worrying so much because that’s all you seem to do nowadays… You did great the last time, you will do great this time. Do you understand?”

Yuuri huffed and crossed his arms. “Fine… I understand…”

He couldn’t help but still worry when he was on his own, though. He didn’t want to continue suffering like this, but it was simply how his mind ran. While he was nervous on the inside, whenever he got onto the ice he felt as if all those feelings disappeared almost immediately. He heard his music from his earphones going right into his ears, and his body moved along with the music as if it were child’s play. His step sequences were on point, feet moving in fluid motions. There were only mess ups here and there when his mind would waver, and his thoughts decided to consume him, but after falling, he would always get right back up and shake those ridiculous thoughts off. His confidence needed to continue to shine on through. Being self-conscious over nothing was pointless. Everyone knew Yuuri well and knew how his skating had drawn many people in. Yuuri has more fans than what the poor male could ever imagine.

 

 

“I want to be as good as Viktor one day… I have many years ahead of me still, but I don’t think I am going to make it so far…”

The night before they were to leave to go to the competition Yuuri began to realize that this could potentially be his last season. Facing bitter defeat, if he would, could ruin his career and Yuuri felt as if he wouldn’t be able to pick himself back up if he ever did fail to compete well in the Grand Prix Final. While it wasn’t really the end of the season, Yuuri didn’t think he would be able to go on right after because the bitterness of depression would overtake him. To fail at a significant competition to where everyone had high hopes, Yuuri Katsuki, one out of six people, would be utterly devastating and honestly… Phichit felt sorry for the guy. Yuuri consistently brought himself down when he was alone, but on the outside, he could tell that he was a bright young man who had a lot of courage just not a lot of strength to push himself more.

“You need to realize he’s won four years in a row. Four! Do you think you will be able to easily get up there, Yuuri? No. You need to continue to practice, press on even at the moments of your failure. I don’t understand why you keep doing this to yourself?” Phichit pressed his hands to his hips as soon as he stood up and glared down towards the older male. “You have so much to offer to the skating world. You have been doing it for a long time, yeah, but you still have enough strength to push on, and you’ve never been injured before! Whenever you don’t feel the pressure of competition, you are amazing. You are the top Japanese figure skater. While you haven’t gotten a gold medal ever in a significant competition, those little competitions and silver medals _do_ matter. Don’t make a mockery out of them!”

Yuuri stared up towards Phichit sadly. He couldn’t help but slowly stand up and wrap his arms around the younger male slowly. “You are amazing…” He whispered. Tears were threatening to fall from his eyes, but he hated crying in front of others. It made him seem weak, and while he never really showed how weak he was to others too much, when he was alone with Phichit he could show his true colors. Crying, though was out of the question. No more crying. He had to be stronger than that. It showed the weakness he was trying so hard to keep in nowadays. It revealed that Yuuri couldn’t do it and that isn’t the Yuuri everyone knew.

Yuuri is stronger on the outside than what he is on the inside.

A tear slipped from his eye only once but was quickly rubbed away before either of them pulled back. When both pulled back, smiles were on their faces as they stayed close. Their relationship was beautiful. It had blossomed ever since they became roommates the first time, a forever growing relationship despite the fact that it felt as if they had reached full potential. Though they haven't yet. That's because of Yuuri still, no matter what failed to tell the other about some things. There were just some things that need to be left unsaid to keep their relationship from falling. All the doubt the poor man had would probably ruin what they have - it was nothing wrong about Phichit, it was only with Yuuri. Phichit is an absolute diamond among many fakes. He was truthful and loyal. Not once has Yuuri doubted his _best friend_. That meant a lot considering Yuuri didn't really make friends…

Or well, didn't make them at all.

He was glad he would have Phichit for the plane ride over to Japan. He was actually excited that he would be on home territory even though he wasn't exactly home (so close yet so far!). Being close was better than being in an entirely different country but being jet lagged would always be the same. He was looking forward to everything though… Maybe even looking forward to the possibility of getting to talk to Viktor or at least _look_ at him. God. Yuuri couldn't help but feel like one of those fans who checked up on everything the other skater did (he wasn't, but it was just a feeling). He could never be the ultimate fan, but of course, he did have posters in his room. Who wouldn't have posters of Viktor Nikiforov? Idiots.

Ahh… but despite all these happy thoughts swimming in Yuuri’s mind he still felt nervous on the long trip over to Japan. He tried sleeping multiple times but no- He couldn't. All he thought about was all the bad things that could happen while he was in Japan again. Would there be fans there or would others be booing him? He was worried about what would be the outcome to him arriving because there have been many cases in other situations where the famous have been attacked. He didn’t want to wind up being another story on the news that people could just talk about and mock him for. He’s always thought about something like this happening even though it has never happened to Yuuri or to any other skater… Although Viktor has had many run-ins where the press has had a field day with what has happened with the four-time champion.

Being on a flight for a long time really didn’t help too much with his thoughts, but they were completely nonexistent the more he stayed in that one spot. Phichit and him were chatting for hours, gladly distracting the male. His anxiety was always the worse when it came to competing in the same competition as Viktor. His nerves were intensified, it seems, but whenever he was on the ice he had focused the best he could and actually always managed to get good scores. They weren’t the best, but they were decent enough to where he could move along in the competition with a higher chance of going to the GPF. Still, he’s never made it because something has always happened or someone was always better than him. He just hoped that one day he could go up there and reach the top. Viktor would retire soon and since Yuuri has never been injured before he had a long time to go in his skating career if he didn’t quit this year.

He was turning twenty-three soon. He needed to make it one day, and this was the year he was definitely going to try.

 

* * *

 

The plane ride was finally over. Yuuri was dead tired when he arrived at the hotel, letting out soft yawns as he clung to Phichit. He had his head resting against his shoulder, eyes closed as he swayed along with the male while he was waiting to check in for him. Skaters were going into the lobby now, gladly talking among themselves in the little lounge area but Yuuri was too busy nearly passing out to care for it. They most likely arrived earlier by a few days to catch up on sleep if they needed to. Celestino thought it was best to do the same due to Yuuri’s jet lag, plus they were able to book the hotel for a little longer than what they usually did. So, Yuuri was able to sleep in until he finalized the proper sleep schedule. He only had a few days to do it with practicing on the side so it would be a struggle.

As he was waiting, he nearly fell over while he was still clinging to Phichit. He let out a shocked gasp, only to be caught by another individual. His eyes widened when he felt hands on his shoulders, keeping him up. He could feel a breath close to his neck that caused Yuuri to shiver, eyes opening up almost immediately. Then he heard a voice. _That_ voice.

“Are you alright?”

The accent was thick, Russian, and he knew it all too well from listening to interviews of this powerful skater regularly. He was always up to date in whatever happens to him ranging from rink accidents or just questions he decided to answer.

_Viktor fucking Nikiforov._

“I-I’m fine…” Yuuri immediately said as he tried to stand up. That breath on his neck made him feel… _Weak_ . He could barely stand properly now as he tried to move on his own two feet. When finally he managed to, he felt those hands on his shoulders. Was he making sure that he was stable enough to stand on his own? That was sweet of him, but it was driving him crazy for some reason. His idol was here, holding him, making sure he was okay. Phichit was just there _staring_ in absolute horror and jealousy. He’s never had Viktor come remotely close to him and now…?

“Are you sure?”

“I-I’m sure…!” Yuuri let out before finally moving away, this time stumbling into Phichit. He caught himself this time though, standing up straight almost immediately so he could turn around and lastly see the male whom he had it bad for. “I’m… I’m sorry...! Thank you for he...helping me.” He was breathless.

“It’s not a problem!” Viktor happily said, his cute little heart smile apparent before the trembling male before he then turned so he could walk away. Yuuri’s face fell almost immediately. Of course… Why would Viktor want to pay attention to him for very long? He would probably just forget about him…

“Yuuri… You should go check in. I already did for my room. We apparently have separate rooms this time. I’m going to go chat with some of the skaters. It’s too early for you to be sleeping so do you want some coffee?”

Yuuri scrunched up his nose as he heard the word coffee. Though he stopped when, from the corner of his eye, he could have sworn that Viktor Nikiforov was watching his probably stupid looking face. How embarrassing… He shook it off and immediately held his hand up, “Don’t even think about getting a coffee that is straight black. It needs lots of sugar, and if there is hazelnut, you better poor of a lot of that in there or I will hate you forever.”

“Oh, you wouldn’t help me forever. I’m your best friend,” Phichit stuck his tongue out. “I’ll get you what you want. Be right back.”

Yuuri wished he had never allowed the other to go on his own.

Phichit decided to walk on over to the lounging area and happily talk to the other skaters. He was always such a social butterfly that he made friends more than he made enemies. Of course, he needed topics to talk about, and he had plenty of those, especially the one that included Yuuri and his secret life. While he would never talk about Yuuri, he could talk about who he identified as when it came to his voice acting career, and he could see if there was anyone even remotely interested.

“Hey, guys…~ Have you heard of BL?”

The four other male skaters blinked as they perked up, but of course, one seemed rather disinterested and decided to go off to the side. Who cared, he was nobody compared to the other skaters. Viktor moved on over to Phichit and raised a brow when he stared down towards him.

“BL?”

“Boy love! Or, well, yaoi... It’s a relationship between two men.”

“Why are you talking about that with us?” The Canadian of the group decided to speak up. Jean, the cockiest skater out of them all and the one who was constantly behind Viktor despite his efforts to keep up.

“You might be straight, but even you would go a little gay for the bottom in this? You guys _have_ to hear it. Come on! Just give it a little listen, okay? A minute or two!” Phichit was trying to be persuasive, staring towards the other skaters with a big, precious smile on his face.

“I’ll listen,” Viktor shrugged. “It’s not like it can hurt anyone. If it’s sex, it’s just something natural that people do. They are just voice acting, so I’m sure it won’t be that good.”

Phichit could only smirk as he stood there, tapping at his phone for a moment before then deciding to hold out the phone so everyone could lean it. It wasn’t on the loudest setting due to their time and place, but it was loud enough for everyone to hear. He couldn’t help but keep in his snickers as immediately there was talking, breaths heavier than what they would be. Phichit was actually translating the whole thing each, and every time the characters spoke considering he’s read over the damn the script multiple times in English all due to Yuuri. Faces went red, but they all leaned in a little bit more to get a better listen.

 

Yuuri’s voice spoke, “ _Please, I’m begging you… I need you… I need you so bad…_ ”

“ _But we’re in public…? Are you sure this is okay with you? I wouldn’t…_ ”

“ _I don’t care- A-Ah… Ha… Mm…_ ”

 

Soon enough there were little words exchanged, and more moans filled the recording than anything. Yuuri’s voice stuck out to everyone, but of course, they couldn’t know who the original host is. Viktor seemed more intrigued than anything. His face seemed expressionless, but Phichit could read everything in his eyes… And hell, he could smell it radiate off of the male. While no one never really learned the secondary gender of the male, Phichit had a feeling he knew what it was just from observations. Now that he could see him up close and personal right now, he could tell that his speculations were definitely correct.

Viktor Nikiforov is, without a doubt, an alpha male wanting the precious omega who moaned in this recording.

When the scene ended, Yuuri was at his loudest, that’s when Phichit stopped the tape and started laughing, “You should see your faces!” He continued to laugh until slowly he stopped. “You know how I got this when it’s a _Japanese_ BL? I know the bottom in this recording. They are quite the cutie, I must say, but they are strictly anonymous to who they are.”

“I--” _Viktor_ was speechless. _Viktor_! Phichit was trying hard not to laugh again as he watched the male try and speak, only to let out a light chuckle as he pressed his hand lightly to his mouth with his eyes glancing off to the side. “I can’t believe you made us listen to that… There should have been a warning or something…”

“You can’t be telling me you’ve never listened to something like that!” Phichit gasped. “I’m sure you’ve at least _watched_ things that had people moaning, right? Porn?”

“I-I’d rather not discuss that?”

“I’ve watched some things,” Christophe piped in. “But… That was _incredible_. Can you read it in English as you go along with the recording? Do you have a way to do that?”

“I’ll send you an email with the English translation as long as you buy the actual on the Japanese store. I’ll send you a link through Instagram!”

Yuuri was walking on over when he heard part of the conversation. His anger had intensified from what it had been before. He suddenly marched on over to Phichit and immediately grabbed his phone, cheeks flushed and all, “Why did you do that?!” He immediately yelled.

“Y-Yuuri… Calm down--” Phichit held his hands up in warning. Everyone was looking at them. Yuuri had been acting on impulse, forgetting that he is the one who is staying anonymous. He forgot everything in one single second because he snapped. He hated that Phichit was flaunting off the recording without a care despite knowing that it was Yuuri and how embarrassed Yuuri was over it.

“First, they tell me they’re _overbooked_ and that they decided to give my room away to someone else, now you’re showing that recording to _everyone_?”

“Why are you so hurt over it, Yuuri?! They gave away your room…? That should be a mistake… But please calm down--”

Yuuri was about to speak again until he realized how he had been reacting. His eyes widened, and he pressed his hands to his mouth almost immediately, cheeks flushed an even brighter red than what it had been before, and he glanced down to the ground. “I-I’m sorry for my behavior. It’s just… Our friend told us not to show around the recording a lot in different countries since it’s more so open for select countries…”

“You have nowhere to stay?” Viktor suddenly asked, raising a brow.

“U-Um… No… They are overbooked. It’s nothing. I could just stay in Phichit’s room…”

“Nope,” Phichit smiled. “I’m bunking with Celestino. I had to check in for us since he went out with the other coaches to go and drink. Sorry, Yuuri. Maybe you could find someone else to bunk with?” Of course, Phichit was lying, but there was an opportunity here, and Phichit could see it.

“...” Viktor thought for a moment, rubbing his chin. He really has never thought about the young Japanese skater before so he saw no reason as to why there would be a problem. He was a fellow skater. He would hate for him to have to find a hotel much further to the rink than needed. “You could stay in my room. It’s only for a few days, right? Once competition comes along, we will both be too tired to even notice each other.”

“I-I shouldn’t…” Yuuri mumbled but let out a soft sigh, of course glaring towards Phichit in anger. He knew he was lying, but he couldn’t chew him out in front of everyone. The stares were intense and caused Yuuri’s embarrassment to intensify. “But I guess I have to…”

“Although… I think it might be a single bed… But I believe there is a couch in there I can sleep on if so?”

“I wouldn’t want you to do that… I could take the couch if that’s the case.”

“Or you could both sleep in the same bed?”

Yuuri glared towards Phichit when he heard his suggestion. How dare he? The Japanese skater was hurt by the fact that his friend was pushing this on Yuuri so suddenly when he wasn’t ready to be this close to the skater! He didn’t know what to do or say, but Viktor seemed for it when he had a small smile on his face. He didn’t comment though, only shook his head and decided it was best not to say anything on the matter. He had his luggage right next to him. Had he been that distracted that he couldn’t even go up in his room so he could come down and relax with the others? Interesting.

“I don’t mind. It’s whatever you want, Yuuri,” Viktor smiled. Of course, he would know Yuuri’s name. He’s been in the same division as him for years now. Of course, he would know… “I’m okay with whatever you want as long as you’re comfortable with it.”

“W-We will see when we get up there…” Yuuri nodded and grabbed his things. “We should go then…” His voice was soft yet quiet. He was speaking to his idol. Of course, he was going to be a bit shy considering he didn’t know how to properly talk to him! Not only is he his idol but he also has the biggest crush on him and has had it for a long time now. There hasn’t been a day that has gone by where Yuuri hasn’t thought about Viktor.

Viktor was immediately complying to Yuuri’s suggestion on going on up to the room and began to walk towards the elevator. Everyone was dead silent until they left. That’s when the conversations immediately started. In the elevator? There was still this ongoing silence. Yuuri was fidgeting with his fingers, playing with them, pressing his back against the wall as his luggage stood on its wheels. Viktor stood as straight as an arrow, eyes focused on the door of the elevator as Viktor was slowly moving back into the corner. Intimidating... When the elevator door dinged and opened up, Yuuri was the last to get out. He wanted to be behind Viktor since he knew where to go. He would rather it not end up in an awkward situation where he steps out first and the other steps out after, only for Yuuri to be in the way of the direction they were going in. Plus, he was further into the elevator so of course, he would go last. It was common sense. While they walked the nerves only grew worse. Time seemed to go slower with each and every step until finally, they were in front of the door.

The door clicked, and slowly the silver haired male opened it. They both let out a soft sigh when they saw that there was only one bed and the couch was rather small to sleep on. Viktor was the first to speak out of the two of them, “Let’s share the bed if you’re okay with that? It’s big enough. It’s just for what? A few days? If you’re not okay with it, just tell me.”

“I-It’s fine! We can share a bed…! It’s better than sleep on the hard grown or sleeping upright in an uncomfortable looking chair…” Yuuri didn’t understand what he was saying or why he was saying it, but he just agreed to sleeping- No, sharing a bed with his idol. It was a bold move, maybe a little bit idiotic, but it’s the first thing he’s ever done around the older skater? Wow. What is going on with you Katsuki Yuuri? “Um… I can see if I have anything appropriate for sharing a bed with someone else... I packed with the mindset of ‘I’ll be sleeping in a room alone’... So I might have a limited option.”

“Oh?” Viktor raised a brow in question.

Yuuri’s face was suddenly a bright red before he then nodded. “Yeah…” He then moved to grab his phone and his charger, deciding to plug the charger in on the side he was claiming and plugged his phone in. He then began tapping at the screen before using his thumbs to type a text message up to a very special friend to whom he hated currently.

 

[Text to i hate phi: i cannot believe you did this to me.]

[Text to pretty boi: and what did i do besides bring you closer to your c r u s h ?]

[Text to i hate phi: this is still the worst situation i’ve ever been in. i thought i would be alone and you know this! You know what i packed!]

[Text to pretty boi: oops? <3]

 

Yuuri rolled his eyes and threw his phone onto the table. He glanced on over to Viktor who was now staring towards him.

“Are you okay?” Viktor raised a brow. He could see the anger that wasn’t being hidden on Yuuri’s face. Of course, he could. Sometimes Yuuri could be rather expressive when he didn’t want to be. That was a problem of his.

“I’m fine…” Yuuri laughed nervously and stood up to move towards his luggage. He slowly began to unzip it, opening it up slowly and made sure the other couldn’t see what was inside. He sighed softly to himself and decided to search on through to see if there were something he could wear that would be suitable for the nighttime. He could travel in it if he had to as in go to a different hotel room or the lobby to get something to drink or eat… He only hoped that Phichit hadn’t gone through his things before he left and made everything _not_ acceptable for _anything_. Yuuri had some things stored on the side for future purposes… And some for just him to sleep in because they were comfortable.

Sometimes it was just panties when he could be alone. Right now? He wasn’t.

“If you don’t have anything you would want to wear out in public or around me, I could lend you something? I don’t mind…”

“I-I don’t think anything of yours fits me…” Yuuri shook his head and took out a pair of pajama pants. “I have things I could use anyways… But I could use a shirt. Is that okay with you?” He tilted his head to the side. One of Viktor’s shirts… He couldn’t believe he just asked that. He wanted to take everything back and find some other shirt to wear that was in his luggage, but the other was already handing him one and… It drove Yuuri mad when he pressed his face lightly against it. It might have seemed odd for the other male, but he couldn’t help it. His scent was intriguing. “Thank you…”

“You’re welcome.”

Yuuri sat the clothes off to the side and decided to stretch up and groan. Damn it. Phichit didn’t get him his coffee, and it was too early to be sleeping but… He needed to rest now. He was drained, very drained, so he decided to grab the clothes after getting his shoes off. Then he moved to the bathroom to get dressed in his pajamas. When he was done, he walked immediately over to the bed and slipped on inside of the sheets. He glanced towards Viktor who was dressing himself up for bed as well, it seems, but he was more indecent than what Yuuri was. That’s when Yuuri decided to bury his face into the pillow and close his eyes to distract himself from it all. Feel the bed sink right next to him really didn’t help him when he was trying to sleep, but of course he still kept his eyes closed and his back to the older male. Talking was not an option. No. That would be too much for Yuuri.

Sleeping also seemed less like an option the more Yuuri laid there.

Slowly, he reached for his phone and decided to scroll through social media. He made sure the brightness for his phone was all the way down as he scrolled on through, sighing as he watched the faces of many known skaters go by. They all seemed to be having fun, and here he was with Viktor, lying there and doing nothing. Shouldn’t he ask him why he isn’t out there having fun? Surely Viktor was used to get jet lagged and could handle it better than Yuuri… But why was he here and laying with him? Was there some sort of reason for it or was he just exhausted like Yuuri was? No...  He doubted it. Maybe he was here to keep him company because he had realized how pathetic Yuuri was? Some people have done that before, keeping him company while he had no one there for him to talk to him. The guy always hated it when something like that happened to him because it made friendship seem like one giant joke. Why try to find a friend when you can find one and stick with them for a long time? That’s what he was doing with Phichit. He loved the Thai man as if he were family. While he had suggested he could be there for other reasons besides friendships, it always felt weird when it came from his mouth. He would be nothing more than his best friend. Too weird if anything else happened.

“Can’t sleep?” Viktor suddenly asked, shifting so he could face the younger skater. He was watching as he tapped on the screen and would flick his thumb to make the pictures fly on the past.

“Yeah… I can’t…” Yuuri decided to slowly turn around, something he would never do. He set his phone down and stared at him for a moment. “Why did you do this? I could have found another hotel and stayed there.”

Viktor blinked at the question before knitting his eyebrows together, “Well… You wouldn’t be able to find a hotel last minute like this. A lot of fans are checking in around the area and well… The weather is picking up soon before the competition. I saved you time looking. You’re also a fellow skater.” He shrugged when he finished off his sentence. “Was it wrong of me to--”

“No! I just… I was surprised.”

“I do good things too, you know,” Viktor laughed. “I didn’t want to have you go searching around for hours only to turn up short. So try not to think too much about it and try to sleep. Are you cold?”

Slowly, Yuuri shook his head, fingers grasping at the sheets as his hands were under the blankets. He was all right. He was more than fine. He was perfect with being so close to the other skater. It felt nice to feel some sort of warmth beside his body, but of course, he didn’t inch closer because that was too… Weird. He finally decided to turn his body back around, his back now to the male so he could focus more on sleeping rather than having their faces right in front of each other. Though, his focus was now directed towards the fact that Viktor after shifted a little closer. He wasn’t pressing up against him, oh no, but he was _too_ close for Yuuri’s liking. His crush, his idol, this close to him? Oh God, he felt like he was going to cry from the happiness he felt swelling deep inside of him, but at the same time, he wanted to move away because he felt as if he weren’t worthy of something like this.

 

“Goodnight…”

 

Viktor’s voice was soft, his sleepiness showing on through with just one word. It had been slightly slurred, and honestly, Yuuri’s heart skipped a beat as soon as he heard it. At first, he was too busy freaking out to say anything to him, but then he decided it was best to give him a proper goodnight before he seemed too rude.

 

“Goodnight.”

 

Short. Abrupt. Sudden. Yuuri made sure it was a simple goodnight that didn’t display too much emotion because on the inside he wanted to squeal in happiness. The other had sounded incredibly adorable that it had driven him a little mad on the inside. He couldn’t believe his idol was saying goodnight to him and sleeping _next_ to him. He just couldn’t believe it. The thought had been stuck in his mind for a long time, thinking it would never happen, and it here it was. While it wasn’t how Yuuri wanted it to happen, it was still happening to him. A dream come true.  
  


* * *

  
The days were passing by slowly. It was the final day of the competition. While Yuuri and Viktor did speak quite a bit, more than what Yuuri was used to, it was not enough for them to know a lot about each other. The older skater was much busier than Yuuri. They both were busy with practicing, so the brief conversations they _did_ have were always in the hotel room and usually before they slept. Growing closer seemed to barely be an option when it came to their busy schedule of constant practice just as well as a few other things that went on in their normal everyday life. Yuuri had to go out, and restaurant hunt with Phichit and he let the Thai skater handle inviting others.

Yuuri didn’t want a big celebration, but Phichit was persistent on it. It was irritating that no matter how much he protested he was always ignored, but he could see why he was overlooked considering Phichit wanted nothing but the best for his best friend. It only made sense to give him the best when Yuuri hasn’t received much over the years. To have some skaters that he knew to come together and actually celebrate his birthday which was a few days after the competition was something that had never happened before so he was rather curious as to what would happen. Would they actually care or would they think of it as just another outing amongst skaters? Was Viktor coming or did he have to leave the next day? No… They were both leaving on the same day so he was sure the other wouldn’t use that excuse. He would seem him the day after so he had no way of escaping Yuuri.

But Yuuri hasn’t seen Phichit talk once to Viktor. Maybe they were communicating in some other way? Maybe… He just kind of hoped that Phichit would actually talk to him because he was dying to have the Russian skater there with him and celebrating with him for a day that shouldn’t even matter to him. Why would it matter…? He didn’t know Yuuri and Viktor thought Yuuri didn’t know him. Too bad he didn’t know that Yuuri obsesses over the skater and has been since he was a young child. That was valuable information that Yuuri wasn’t willing to share with the whole world and _especially_ not Viktor, so he let the illusion that he knew very little of the other skater until they left. This competition would determine whether or not Yuuri made it to the GPF too… Damn.

He might have to see the other skater again after all shortly after this at the GPF if he did make it. It terrified him.

The skaters were all gathered in the lobby, talking amongst each other. Yuuri was still in the hotel room, sitting in the comfortable chair in the corner while Viktor was taking a shower. He decided to be a little bit bold, having slipped on a pair of short shorts and a tank top. The weather might have been colder outside, but the hotel was kept warm enough for no one to freeze overnight and sure actually felt a bit _hot_ inside. He had his legs tucked underneath him as he was quietly reading on his phone before then moving on to scrolling through social media and then even decided to stalk through Viktor’s Instagram. Of course, he had thought about it at first, but Viktor was in the shower anyways so why the hell not? It was just usual stuff, of course, even a picture of the hotel room with Yuuri sleeping on the bed… Oh. With him sleeping on the bed. His cheeks were flushed as he could perfectly see himself in the background. Did the other do that on purpose?

 

_v-nikiforov_

**_Beautiful hotel room with a beautiful roommate! Hope he has enough sleep for the short program tomorrow! #figureskating #viktornikiforov #daybeforecompetition #excited #goodmorning !_ **

 

Yuuri’s face was bright red at this point. He couldn’t help but think about how the other had called him _beautiful_ . _BEAUTIFUL_ ! He couldn’t help but shake his head when he thought too much on it, scrolling past that picture and decided to scroll past to different photos. When he heard the shower turn off, he quickly exited out of Instagram and decided to read once again on his phone. He was quiet, staring at the words on the screen until his eyes were glancing up towards the taller male who entered on into the room. He smiled towards him briefly before then returning his gaze down towards the phone. What Yuuri didn’t notice was that Viktor was staring at him. His gaze was _lingering_. When Yuuri glanced up again, his cheeks were flushed a light pink and gave a shy little wave.

“Are you okay, Viktor?”

“H-Huh? Oh, um, yeah,” Viktor shook his head and let out a gentle laugh. “It’s nothing. I’m going to go downstairs in the lobby to hang out with some of the other skaters. We might go out for drinks if you’re up for it?”

“I-I’m okay. I’m not much of a social person, but I’ll go down to the lobby since Phichit might be there,” Yuuri stood up and began walking towards the door. “All I’ve been doing is skating and then staying in here, so maybe it’s good to interact with people.”

Viktor nodded, ”Sounds like a good idea.”

Yuuri made his way down to the lobby with Viktor. He was quiet throughout the whole entire ride down to the elevator, slightly fidgety as he rocked on the balls of his feet. Being alone in an elevator with Viktor had been strange this time despite how many times it has happened these past few days as they had to leave the hotel room around the same times. Their schedules were completely different but the times they practiced weren’t exactly different. They got up at different times but left at the same time - it was odd. But this time… He felt as if things were rather interesting considering Yuuri’s attire was more revealing than other occasions. Viktor seemed like a playboy, but he didn’t seem _gay_ , so he didn’t understand why it felt so different…? He couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but he was trying his hardest in doing so.

When he was down in the lobby, immediately he sat down next to Phichit - right in between him and Jean - and began to talk to him. Viktor was off to the side talking to another skater, but Yuuri wasn’t paying attention to whom. All he was focused on was talking to Phichit and trying to calm down his nerves about skating tomorrow. Phichit then decided to switch it off to Yuuri’s pre-birthday plans. He was ready for it. The Thai skater had the restaurant picked out, and everyone would be chipping into the meal. While Yuuri was nervous since the only one who he really knew was Phichit, and he was the only one who cared besides Celestino, it only made Yuuri all that more nervous that he was having a party where no one would care. He was turning twenty-three. It wasn’t that much of a big deal. He honestly didn’t want to go through this…

“ _Have you noticed that Viktor has been eyeing you the whole night?_ ” Phichit whispered softly to Yuuri.

“ _I… Um_ **_what_ ** ?” Yuuri glanced over to Viktor, cheeks slightly flushing as the older male tried to play it off by looking away. He then glanced to Phichit with wide eyes. “ _I cannot believe that he’s staring at me but… Why me_?”

“ _It might be because of what you’re wearing, you know. Viktor Nikiforov might not seem gay, but I think he is. For you._ ”

Yuuri shook his head almost immediately, “ _No. Absolutely not. I don’t think that’s true. Viktor would never be interested in me. Stop trying to get that into my brain. It’ll never happen._ ”

“ _Whatever, Yuuri._ ” Phichit rolled his eyes. “ _Stay in denial._ ”

Yuuri sighed and stood up, flicking the Thai on the forehead before walking away from him. “I’m going upstairs! Goodnight everyone!”

“Are you sure, Yuuri?” Jean asked. “You don’t want to come out for drinks with us then?”

“I don’t drink before competitions. It’s a strict rule.” Yuuri was not going to allow anyone else to protest to his decision any further. He headed straight up to his hotel room, expecting to be alone for a long while. If Viktor, the Russian, was going to go out and do some heavy drinking then he was sure he might not be back until later that night. He was excited about that. Some alone time.

It didn’t last rather long.

Viktor ended up coming back up five minutes later and was actually stripping out of his clothes into his pajamas. Why? Yuuri didn’t bother to ask because he felt as if he would be intruding. He did eye him when he came back out from the bathroom in the clothes and tilted his head to the side in question. That gave him the answer without intruding (in Yuuri’s logic).

“It’s the night before the competition, and honestly I think your rule is logical. Plus I don’t want you to be alone.”

“I’m fine with being alone…”

“I still think it’s best to relax in the hotel room and sleep later on,” Viktor smiled gently before then moving to sit on the bed. “Come on. What’s so bad about me going up there with you, Yuuri~?” The male couldn’t help but giggle.

Yuuri huffed and decided to distract himself by his phone. Being around his idol was dangerous at this point, especially sleeping in the same bed next to him. He wanted to cuddle with the man, be held by him and never let him go, but of course, he couldn’t ask of that. That would be too much, and it wasn’t Yuuri at all. He’s never been in a relationship, and he wouldn’t want to be in one now when he didn’t know anyone who would be willing to love him. Viktor just thought of him as his roommate, and he was damn sure that he wouldn’t be falling in love with the male anytime soon. They rarely talked to each other, especially with their schedules. Tomorrow’s competition was going to be difficult for Yuuri since he needed to place somehow in fourth. He seemed to cut it close all the time and would always fall last or fifth place, right before the cutoff. Sometimes the cut off was him needing to make third, but he just couldn’t make it.

“I can’t wait to get these next two days over with…” Yuuri sighed.

“Oh, isn’t your birthday coming up? Your friend invited me.”

“You don’t have to go if you don’t want to. It might just be some boring get together, and no one would be paying attention to me since…”

Viktor shrugged. “I can drink, I can talk to the other skaters, and celebrate. I would think I would already be in now but~ I have to get through this competition~.”

“Easy for you,” Yuuri sighed softly. “But unlike you, some people actually have to work for what they get. They aren’t perfect.”

“Excuse me?” Viktor raised a brow. “What did you say?”

Yuuri glanced off to the side. Damn it. These stupid… These stupid mood swings. He quickly stood up and shook his head. “I told you I wanted to be left alone.” This was the best he could do. He wanted to be alone for as long as he was able to… So maybe sleeping right now would be the better idea. He decided to move underneath the covers and curl up a little bit, trying to stay quiet so he could fall asleep. He didn’t want to hear anything from Viktor again. Not tonight. He fucked things up, and he knew that right away.

“...” Viktor sighed. “You think like everyone else. I struggle too.”

“Just leave me alone…” Yuuri mumbled sadly. “Please, just leave me alone. I’m too stressed… I don’t want to talk, so leave me alone…”

“Alright…” Viktor got up from the bed and moved towards the door. “I’ll leave you be for the night.”

“You don’t have to… Getting some rest still is a good idea, I hope you know,” Yuuri had to point it out to the male, poking his head out. “I didn’t mean to be… Terrible. I hope you understand what I’m trying to say. If you go out drinking, how you skate will be affected. You might have had drinks before a competition but…”

Viktor decided to ignore the other male for the moment and stepped out of the room. Yuuri sighed with frustration and shook his head, pressing the pillow to his face as he tried thinking to himself. He hated that he had put the other through that, but it wasn’t Yuuri’s fault when he was just… Unable to keep calm with it being a day before the competition. Usually, he wasn’t like this, but he had been pushed into doing things far too much lately, and it was all getting to his head. He didn’t want to come to the hotel this early. He wanted to arrive at least two days before the competition because four had been more than enough time. He didn’t want to have that damn party, but Phichit had been persistent and wasn’t giving things up. Everything was crashing down on Yuuri, and he knew it was a matter of time before he broke down by himself and do nothing but _cry all night long_. That was pathetic of him. He didn’t want to be pathetic, not now.

Sleeping wasn’t an option. Not right now. It was still early enough to where he could scroll through his social media. He decided to go through Instagram, switching on and off from Instagram to Twitter to even Tumblr. Finally, he moved back over to Instagram and decided to look on through Viktor’s Instagram to see what he was up to. When he saw the pictures of the drinks and him spending time with some skaters - and some female skaters too - he felt all this jealousy swell up inside of him. His face was hot; skin prickly; eyes watery. This was all his fault. All his fault… He made Viktor go out when he wanted to stay in, saying that he didn’t work for what he had when he knew that wasn’t the case. To skate, you needed to practice a lot. He was aware that Viktor had worked a lot to get to where he was and he never slacked on what he did.

He’s watched Viktor skating grow from his junior days. Of course, he knew that he didn’t just get handed his titles. Damn. All this stressing, this worrying, it was all so pointless when Yuuri shouldn’t be worrying about someone who was bound to forget him a few days after their encounter. Who wouldn’t? Honestly, Yuuri felt like he was nothing special and feeling like this was a constant drag.

Yuuri was long asleep by the time Viktor came back to the hotel room. He missed the man by five whole minutes considering the silver haired male decided it was best to return to the hotel with only two drinks in him. He had missed his chance in apologizing to Yuuri for walking out like that without another word.

 

* * *

 

Yuuri placed fourth.

Fourth was the best he could do in the competition with Viktor Nikiforov as well as Jean-Jacques and the great Christophe Giacometti. Phichit placed fifth, so he didn’t make the cut for the GPF, but he vowed that he would do it next year. Next year… Yuuri still couldn’t see that bright of a future when it came to next year because all he felt like doing is quitting. His life and skating weren't mixing well anymore and well… He never really did so hot because his anxiety always seemed to make him fail him at certain points when it came to skating. Ah… Skating…

He couldn’t worry about that now. He hadn’t spoken to Viktor since the night before the competition, and now he might have to make conversation with him at his little get together for his birthday. He wanted to visit his home, but he knew he had no time for that and he would have to take a plane. What would be the point of that? He could visit them when he finished his classes for school (this year being his extra year and him knowing that he needed to pass). He had little time to be worrying over his birthday coming up. Another birthday, another year closer to death some people say. Though, he decided he could let loose a little bit all things considering he did place for the GPF for the first time ever in his skating career.

Yuuri was excited about it.

The restaurant the skaters all went to was lively. There was a big table filled with female skaters, male skaters, and some of the coaches who decided to tag along because why the hell not? Drinking would be involved! Yuuri decided to get a few drinks in his system, hoping that he would help him with talking, but luckily Phichit was a good friend and cut him off at his fourth drink. At least the Japanese skater was a little talkative this time and happily smiled when someone spoke to him and congratulated him for turning twenty-three. He knew his birthday wasn’t for another few days, but Phichit wanted more people around than what it was usually. Knowing him, he might just celebrate it again when it was time for his birthday. It wasn’t too far away.

Viktor was ignoring Yuuri, though. Not once did he bother to speak to the male. It hurt.

Yuuri, at one point, fell silence. This happened when it was time for him to eat and settle down and the silence only worsened when they brought out a piece of cake for Yuuri to eat and a candle that he could blow out. He did. There was something about this night that felt so off now that the alcohol wasn’t getting to Yuuri’s head. He didn’t want to eat, think, or even sleep that night. All he wanted to do was get Viktor to talk to him and notice him again, but he thought he wouldn’t even get that anymore. It was settled. Viktor hates him. He absolutely has a wrong impression of who Yuuri was now and didn’t care for him, deciding to erase him from his mind. Maybe it was best to try and bunk with Phichit until they left…

He decided to consult Phichit, and he agreed. The party had been fun, but Yuuri was completely destroyed with his anxious thoughts. He could barely focus as he packed his things away and there was this feeling swelling up in his chest as soon as he left the hotel room and headed to Phichit’s. Viktor forgot about him- No, he would forget about him and only remember him again when it comes down to the GPF. He has been known for forgetting people after a week if there has been no interaction or no impression left on them. Yuuri might just fall under that category, and that’s okay.

As long as Viktor forgot about what he said to him, he would be perfectly fine with anything.

Yuuri couldn’t wait for the Grand Prix Final this year.


	3. Failure to Succeed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Viktor ignores; Yuuri fails. These feelings that Yuuri hold are devastating...
> 
> And Viktor is finding new feelings of his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops. It's been a while~. I have summer assignments to do, but I am hoping that before school starts I might be able to update a little bit more... I am not used to writing long chapters though even if I write so much. ;; 
> 
> This also needs to be addressed:
> 
> If you do not like my story please do not read it. I know that some of my sentences might have a lot of errors, but I am only one person and I have no one who would even edit this fiction. I am not like other authors out there. I am not fancy enough to be like them yet. Diminishing comments hurt; they tear at me and make it harder for me to write. Sometimes it's hard to press on when I don't feel like writing a story. I am glad I am getting a lot of feedback though for this fiction and i am hoping to one day make it into the ten thousands and even have art created for this story. If that day comes I'll surely be screaming lmao. I also understand that characters might be OOC in this fiction. That's because it's an AU and of course their personalities might be a little bit different. Thank you for understanding. <3
> 
> Follow me on Twitter and on Tumblr!
> 
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/YuuriKatsucc)   
>  [Tumblr](http://anxiousprinceonice.tumblr.com/)

Vicchan's death had been sudden.

When Yuuri found out, it had been on had been a day after his birthday. It destroyed him; the call had been so sudden that he moved his phone away from his ear in a moment of shock and broke down. Tears were streaming down his face; hands clamped against his mouth as he grossly sobbed and even fell to his knees to cover his face and hide from the world for a moment. He didn't care if the ice beneath his knees hurt from the hard ice and the bitter cold. He didn't care if everyone surrounding him were looking at him shocked and unable to determine the cause of the sudden outburst of tears. The poor guy was trembling, eyes red and puffy as all he could do was sob. He didn't care if anyone looked at him at that moment because all he cared about was the fact that his poodle, _his_ Vicchan died.

Practicing was the least of Yuuri's problems now. All he could worry about was how his dog had died, and he wasn't there to try and stop it or _anything_. He wasn't there with his poodle, and he hasn't seen him in such a long time, so it only made things worse. After his breakdown he couldn't skate anymore, he couldn't focus anymore, and all he could do was make his weight go up instead of keeping it down. He didn't want to see the sun or the ice. He didn't want to put on his skates and go out there in front of all those people. He felt like he had nothing anymore, not even skating which should fill that gaping hole in his life. The only time he did go out, and skate was when he was dragged out by Phichit or his coach, sometimes yelling involved or he wouldn't have cared too much.

He just wished he could be with his family and see Vicchan one last time but he couldn't. His Vicchan. Vicchan… Tears were in his eyes almost every hour of the day as anything would remind him of his deceased dog. He needed to get his act together before the Grand Prix but to be honest, he could care less about the competition right now. All he did was talk to his family, grieving with them, and eat his little heart out here and there. He tried to keep his weight down while in this point of his grief, but of course, he could barely manage it himself, so Phichit had to help him out with that.

Finally, he was out of his room, but that was because he needed to go to his possibly final competition for the season- No. He could do this. He had this. He wasn't going to fail at his first ever GPF. He would be laughed at by everyone in the skating community, and he couldn't risk that. Oh boy. Russia wasn't going to be easy on Yuuri, and he could already tell. It wasn't because of who he was, but he knew that if he tried to put up a fight Viktor's fans would attack him out there in the stands. He wasn't looking forward to it, to be honest. He wasn't looking forward to anything dealing with skating anymore.

The plane ride was long and dreadful, Yuuri left to think to himself about all the horrors of the world; left to think about Vicchan; left to think about skating in two days. The GPF was one of the bigger competitions, and Yuuri could earn a lot of recognition in such a competition. He could finally have more people notice who he was if he earned a big win. Even if he didn't, he had a lot of fans out there without winning any big competitions. This one he had Viktor there wanting to have his fifth consecutive win at a Grand Prix. It would be hard to earn any medal, especially with who would be in the competition this year. He had no chance no matter how many times Phichit told Yuuri that he was a great skater and that he could win even against Viktor. Maybe he couldn't win gold with him around, but he could at least place… Maybe. There was also Christophe Giacometti and Jean-Jacques Leroy in the competition.

  
Maybe he couldn't do this. He kept going back on his thoughts, kept rethinking them, and nothing was stopping him at this point.

When the plane landed in Russia, Yuuri looked like a complete mess. He had dark circles around his eyes, dead tired because he got a little sleep on the plane, but knew he could recover by tomorrow if needed to and he did need to. As soon as he got to the hotel room, he would pass out and sleep throughout the whole day due to being jet lagged. He hated that he couldn't handle it as well as other skaters, but he just hasn't been okay with traveling in general if he didn't sleep on the plane ride over. Right now he was struggling with keeping himself awake as he was moving from the airport to the hotel…

And once he arrived, it was once again an encounter with nearly passing out in the lobby. Instead, though, he sat in one of the chairs as Celestino waited to check in. He was dozing off while he laid down on a couch, curled up a little bit with his face buried lightly into the cushions. Yuuri didn't care if it was unsanitary to be doing this especially when thousands of others have sat on this couch, but he could care less. All he wanted to do was sleep, and thankfully no one was bothering him. What did bother the sleepy Yuuri was the yelling coming from another skater towards his coach. Sounded like the other Yuri… Ugh. He couldn't get a damn break away from all these loud noises. All he could do was ignore it as he fell asleep on the couch, head resting on a fluffy pillow. He took up the whole couch, wanting no one else to sit next to him so they could bother him. All he wished he could do right now is sleep.

Sleep... Sleep... Sleep…

He was slipping in and out of it, eyes sliding closed and then opening up. The only time he did pick his head up was when he heard the snap of a photo. His eyes widened when he saw that his picture was being taken of him practically passed out on the public couch in the seating area. He couldn't help but blush a bright red when another one was taken of him - it was a bunch of his fans… He couldn't help but shake his head at the thought of them being his fans, but they were talking about Yuuri as if he weren't there, so they most certainly were… Or maybe they saw the picture Viktor had posted. Sigh…

He never apologized. He felt like he needed to, especially here at the GPF but… Everything in his life had come crashing down. He felt like living was quite the challenge knowing that his Vicchan is gone. He would never get him back, and that's what hurt the most. He hadn't seen him in almost five years and yet here he was… Never able to see him again. The only thing closest to a Vicchan was Viktor and Viktor didn't like him at all. Maybe he could apologize to him if he comes into the lobby? He couldn't help but slowly move his hands so he could grab his phone and stared at the phone for a moment before finally clicking onto Instagram and immediately pressed on Viktor's Instagram.

What he saw was a completely a coincidence.

Viktor posted a minute ago that he was outside his hotel and about ready to go in. When he looked up there, he was. Yuuri's heart skipped a beat for a moment as he tried to curl into the couch some more, hiding his face as he allowed Yakov to check in instead of himself. He was walking over to the lounge area! Would he talk to him? Would he talk about what had happened a little while ago? Would he? The anxiety was bubbling up again, and Yuuri didn't like these thoughts swarming around inside of his head. Each step the other took was another thought interrupted and when he was close Yuuri's breath had hitched.

He turned his gaze towards the male and couldn't help but smile at him a little bit. Maybe that could help his situation?

"Hey, Viktor…" Yuuri let out softly.

What Yuuri got though was a cold shoulder, watching his longtime idol ignore him as if he didn't even know him. That's what tore right into Yuuri, tears forming in his eyes. Not even the only Viktor he knew in his life would talk to him. It's not like they were friends or lovers, but it still hit Yuuri hard. He had nothing. He had no Viktor; he had no Vicchan. He had absolutely nothing right now considering Phichit wasn't even there with him to pick him back up from falling. He had to practice back in Detroit. Not having your best friend there was the worst thing ever considering he was the one who helped Yuuri through his fits of depression that he has been having here and there. He could call him, but he didn't even know what time it was in Detroit.

_I messed up… I know I screwed up…_

_He doesn't even want to talk to me… I'm that horrible of a person… Of course, he doesn't want to speak to me!_

_Viktor…_

Yuuri pressed his hands to his face in frustration, only to widen his eyes when he felt a warm hand on his shoulder. It wasn't Viktor, sadly, but it was someone else.

_Christophe Giacometti._

"Are you okay, Yuuri?" His name rolled off the male's tongue nicely, a sweet sound that made Yuuri bite down on his bottom lip lightly. This man, erotic with his body on the ice, could easily affect Yuuri if he wanted. He had been hearing that Christophe is an alpha male who didn't want to mask his scent considering he liked letting out his natural smell, but it was completely banned that those with secondary genders go without using scent blockers and suppressants. Suppressants made Yuuri sick sometimes, but recently he found the suppressant that never gave him a sign of nausea. That was good.

"I'm all right." Yuuri sighed and rubbed his cheeks. "I'm just a bit tired… And of course, a million skaters want to arrive at the same time as I did…" He rolled his eyes at the thought. There was that burst of anger that shone through, but his sad feelings and side were never apparent.

"You seemed a bit upset when Viktor went by…" Chris hummed and ruffled up his hair slightly. "Did something happen between you two?"

Yuuri sighed and shook his head. "Nothing happened. Nothing important, anyway. Yeah, we shared a room, but it seems he might have forgotten that by now."

"Ah… I see…" Chris chuckled. "Don't take it personally, but he isn't one for remembering people and what happens between them. He most likely didn't pay attention to you when you skated and just tried to forget you. He's pretty focused on his career, you know."

Yuuri slowly nodded. Yeah… That's right… He needed to think more about Viktor than himself because he felt rather selfish for how he was feeling. He knew that there was nothing wrong with feeling this way but not thinking about how the other male was feeling after how rude he had been to him. Yuuri had made assumptions. Of course, Viktor was going to get mad about these assumptions and get mad at Yuuri. While leaving wasn't something Yuuri had expected, he knew he should have expected it when you talk about someone so badly out of anger…

He wanted to apologize but… Just looking at the happy male made his heart sink. He had ruined any chances he has with the male. Any. Single. Chance. There was no way in hell that Viktor would ever talk to him now. Not a damn chance. He already knew this from experiences in the past where he has blown up on someone without meaning to. This was why sometimes it was better just to stay hidden in the crowd and do what he had to before hiding away again. He wished he could hide away from the world right now, but he had a competition to go through, and he needed to pull through it.

That cold shoulder haunted him though.

 

* * *

 

Sleeping was hard to do.

Yuuri found himself tossing and turning these past few nights. He couldn't help but think about how much of a disaster his short program was going to be considering he wasn't doing anything right during the private practice. The competition was the next day and… Just seeing Viktor was haunting him. It was reminding him of what had happened between the two as well as it was reminding him of Vicchan. A lot of things were reminding him of his deceased dog, even the littlest things that weren't anywhere close to resembling him. It was _crazy,_ and he was getting sick of feeling this way.

By the time his short program arrived, Yuuri was already on edge. He was nervous, present on his face as he tried to puff out his chest and stay strong for the time being. The fact that he was unable to keep calm, thoughts swarming around in his head about his messed up jumps in practice and especially in practice before skating. This was a disaster waiting to happen, and he knew it. It was only a matter of time until he was laughed at by those all around the world. That was going to be the worst of the worst. By publicly humiliating himself, it will dent his career and make him lose the sponsors he did have. For a Japanese skater, he did have quite a few, but he didn't know why. Viktor had too many to most likely count until they didn't matter. No wonder he was favored by all the judges.

Yuuri moved onto the ice, and his anxiety rose. His song played, and a beautiful melody rang throughout the entire stadium. It showed on his face how anxious he was as he skated, movements somewhat stiff but also fluid throughout a few sequences. Tears were burning in his eyes the more he thought about how his life was turning out after months of such a good time… He had been happy for so long and here he was upset, sad, and unable to feel the emotions he wished to know accurately. His heart was hammering hard against his chest, getting over the eye-watering bit and now went onto the messing up his jumps part. They weren't hard jumps, no. Not at all.

His feet moved, and despite the constant struggle he still was able to make music with his body. This music that he created was a sad melody, matching up perfectly to the song that ran through the whole place. It was bittersweet, something that reminded him of his life and his anxiety but it wasn't his song. It was nowhere close to his song because it didn't accurately describe him.

When the song was finally over, he was a mess. He still had failed a lot of his jumps, only landing one quad out of the two and even so… It had been an over-rotation. This pain he felt deep inside of his heart was becoming too much for him. This overwhelming sadness was growing worse and worse as time kept up and watching Viktor skate _killed_ him. Watching him skate to such a beautiful song… Watching him move around gracefully on the ice. This was all killing him because when he compared himself to Viktor, he felt useless. His skating career was taking off, believe or not since he was the top Japanese figure skater in his country, yet he still felt like he was worth so little when he compared himself to any other skater out there even if he was better than a lot of them.

He never… beats his anxiety. How could he when he's been mentally weak for as long as he could remember?

The next day was even worse. Yuuri was sliding and falling everywhere, frustration present within his features the more he tried to skate through his song. He managed to land a jump or two, but his whole routine had fallen completely beside his step sequences and spins. Those he seemed to pick himself back up on, but it still wasn't enough for him. He knew he would get dead last at this place. He was aware that he would never be able to beat Viktor or anyone else up there, even the skater he didn't quite know. Most of the names were familiar and… And they all watched him fail today on all his jumps; on the most important things. That was the sad part about it all. He was, without a doubt, utterly humiliated.

When the scores came through, all Yuuri could do was read articles online that were posted moments ago. They showed his failures, the worst bits of him, and it was all crashing down at once. His weight had begun to pick up before the competition, and now he was falling more and more due to the stress. Not even his coach at this point could help him through this even with the words that he had said. Nothing was helping at this point, so all he could do was just…

_Break down and cry._

Yuuri slipped into the bathroom stalls and pressed his back against it lightly. He found himself letting out a shaky sigh, only to move his phone in front of him and decided to dial up his mother. He knew it was early over there, knowing that she might either be asleep or watch. If she was watching, he needed to say sorry to her for his failure. He needed to apologize for not doing his title any good. He needed to… Stop losing track of what was in sight. As he sat on the toilet, his fist was slightly clenched with the phone up to his ear. When he heard the sound of his mother's voice and yet no barking, that's when he felt the frustration from recently building up. He knew he wouldn't be able to make it any longer without crying his frustration out.

He apologized to his mother for not skating well enough out there. He heard her words, heard her I love you…

But he only hung up afterward. He couldn't handle speaking to his mother anymore due to this oncoming sadness. He didn't want her to hear him cry because he felt like he failed everyone he knew. He wanted none of that. These feelings that ran through him were exploding like a volcano, and he didn't know what else he would be able to withstand. He didn't know what to do with himself anymore. All he wanted to do was cry and cry and cry… He didn't even hear the footsteps that were coming into the bathroom. They were quiet… Small.

And then a foot was slammed into his door. Yuuri reacted, of course, the tears ceasing for just a moment as he slowly stood up so he could open the door. Ah…

Yuri Plisetsky.

He was quiet, tense, especially when he was being yelled at. He wanted to stammer something out, but all he could do was stare and shake. When the boy was leaving, that's when Yuuri finally got something out,

"I'm not an idiot… I know I failed, but I might pick myself up one day… You don't know what goes on in my life… You shouldn't mess with someone when you don't know what they are going through…"

Yuuri couldn't see it… But Yuri's eyes were wide with sudden shock as he was leaving. He hadn't expected the little piggy to speak out for himself for once suddenly. It was… Alarming.

  
_A commemorative photo… He forgot about me…_

Yuuri didn't even want to go to the banquet. All he wanted to do was wilt away in the comfort of his own home, never speaking to another soul until the season was over. Even then, the break would only be short term until he would have to start up again. The only good thing about everything is the fact that despite all the sponsors he might have lost for right now, he was still gaining money from the sales of the drama CD and it was selling alright. That was the only good news he had heard of in a long while, but it still wasn't enough to get through the night. Even a blind man could see that.

Yuuri was heartbroken though, and he didn't know why. Had Viktor forgotten all about him in such a short time? He wasn't that important if he was forgotten like that. While Chris's words still rang in his mind, they were becoming distant as they spoke to him over and over again. He couldn't even hear the words anymore once he had stepped foot into the banquet hall. All he could hear was his coach trying to encourage him to smile while they walked in. Not only did Yuuri have to wear a suit when he didn't want to, but everyone was looking at him as the failure he was. It hurt him to see those glares from those who he used to know who loved him for doing good all these years despite him never making it to the GPF.

He disappointed everyone in his first year ever. Of course, he did…

"Come on, Yuuri! It's fine! You did your best!" Celestino pats the slouched male on his back, rubbing it slowly. "You did the best you could for someone going through so much… You should liven up a little and live your life!"

Yuuri wanted to yell at his coach, but he was only saying what was best for him. He couldn't help but let out a gentle sigh and shook his head. What time was it even? How long did he have to be here before he could leave? Ugh… He let out a gentle sigh and shook his head as he decided to move over to the drinks. Maybe a little champagne couldn't kill him. Little did he know that Viktor Nikiforov had been looking at him the whole time, watching him like a hawk stalking its prey. All Yuuri was focused on was drinking alcohol and maybe getting a little bit tipsy so he could stop worrying about his problems.

No. He ended up drinking sixteen flutes of champagne. That wasn't tipsy. That was shit-faced.

Yuuri loosened his tie slowly, letting out a gentle sigh as he closed his eyes. Then he found himself slowly turning around as he took his tie off, wobbling on over to his coach. When he made his way to him, he wrapped an arm around his neck and let out a drunken laugh, resting his head against his shoulder. He completely interrupted Celestino's chat with Yakov, Viktor's coach.

"Heyyy~. Aren't you Vik- Viktor's coaach?"

"Why?" Yakov sounded bitter as he stared towards the strange Japanese male.

"How much champagne did you have, Yuuri?" Celestino widened his eyes as he stared towards the young man. "Your cheeks are red. Are you okay?"

"I'mmm fiiineee~!" Yuuri smiled as he stared towards his coach before nuzzling his face into his neck. "Mmm.. mm…" He sighed. "I'm so saaaad I didn't… didn't get… get gold…" He huffed and knitted his brows together. "You smell nice, Celestino~. Did I ever tell you thaat?" He smiled brighter than ever before.

"I… Yuuri!" Celestino glanced over to the table Yuuri had been drinking the champagne at and noticed how many flutes were laid out in a perfect line. Was he that bored? "Did you drink all of that?"

Yuuri hummed softly and glanced towards the table. "Me~? Me~? Um… Maybeee…"

That's when he decided to draw his attention towards the DJ station off to the side. All that was playing was boring, classical music. It annoyed Yuuri significantly, and he certainly wanted to brighten up the party a bit. He moved up the steps and decided to nudge the DJ out of the way. Did he bring his stuff for his next gig? Oooh. Nice. Yuuri was going to have a lot of fun with this. He couldn't help but pick something upbeat, smiling happily when he saw everyone looking at him. Did he care? No. He was too drunk to care about those dirty looks he got for disrupting a party. All he wanted to do was dance and scream his broken heart out.

And that's what he did.

He made a clearing and began with small movements. These little movements led to more movement, his feet comfortably moving across the floor. He started shrugging off his overcoat and decided to throw it off to the side somewhere, giving his hands a little clap as his body moved across the floor. These movements were wild yet fluid, only lasting for a mere minute before grabbing another large bottle of champagne. He smiled towards someone taking pictures of him, but he didn't care who it was, wobbling around like crazy until finally one leg was in the air and he was downing the bottle of champagne. Then he got close up to the camera, eye visible, but barely anything else visible.

That's when everything was becoming heated. The next time he began to dance was when others started to join in. He began to break dance with Yurio around, of course having moves superior to his, and of course, almost everyone else was staring at the two of them but who cared? Certainly not Yuuri who had such a beautiful look on his face despite how drunk he was. The music that played was upbeat, active, and didn't seem to be dying down anytime soon. Yes, this event was supposed to be formal, and he was meant to be acting like a decent human being, but right now he just couldn't work that way. He needed act like who he needed to be in such a drunken state. This was the Katsuki Yuuri that was caged off inside.

Articles of clothing were coming off. His blazer was no longer present, but his tie was now again loosely tied around his neck. It wasn't too perfect, but whoever helped him with his tie was most likely dumb to think he would keep it on for the whole night again. He was in no mood for formalities, only dancing and heavy drinking. Now that Yuuri's blazer was off he could move around the floor better than anybody out there, doing a move where his lower body was higher than his upper body. Viktor has taken notice of the sad man now, taking pictures happily of the handsome man, laughing softly to himself as he took the pictures.

He even got up close and personal to him, and man did Yuuri have the loveliest expressions on his face as he moved. They were seductive, and while Yuuri didn't know that he was doing it, he'd rather not care about it. All he could do was pose and move for the cameras surrounding him as his mind was too muddled for thoughts. All he could care about was the art of dance, and he even got the chance to dance with the great Viktor Nikiforov who was laughing and enjoying his time with the Japanese male.

Time was going on, clothes were coming off, and for some reason with all the stripping the poor man was doing, someone thought it would be funny to bring in a stripper pole from a studio nearby. It was brought in within minutes and connected… And they didn't think there would be a proper use of it since surely Yuuri doesn't know how to pole dance!

Wrong. He does.

His body worked its way on the pole, twisting around on it, showing his upper and lower body strength as well as his flexibility. Everyone stared in absolute shock, and some cheered for him. He was seductive, his legs were in the air sometimes, and even Christophe decided to join him so they could create movements with each other. The pole kept up, their bodies mingled together here and there, and the sweat that was beating against their bodies sometimes mingled together due to how close they were. When Christophe got off, Yuuri was only on for a few more minutes until finally, he slid down by using his thighs, back pressing against the floor when he was done, and the song ended.

His pheromones were shining through the barrier that had once been there to mask his scent.

He sat up slowly, glancing around for a moment, eyes widening. Another song was beginning to play, but he seemed oddly focused on something, his eyes deciding to scan the room for any source… For any cause… Because he could feel present arousal, and it was strong, but it wasn't from anyone close to him. This was far away, trying to repress itself but it was unable to, and Yuuri wanted to know who it was. His inner omega was kicking in, screaming and fighting to find that alpha because his scent was right for him. That scent was calling to him, driving him crazy. Oh God… Who was it? Who was it?!

Celestino knew there would be a problem as soon as Yuuri's eyes locked onto Viktor Nikiforov's beautiful blue eyes.

Immediately, the coach tried to distract him by tying his tie around his forehead and tried to get his shirt onto him. He didn't even get to the buttons when Yuuri began walking. He sauntered, making his way towards Viktor, and all the other male could do was stare at Yuuri in shock. What he had been seeing, what he had been taking pictures of, was fantastic and genuinely shocking at the same time. He was able to take his eyes off of the Japanese haired male who staggered on over to the alpha. What was he going to do? His eyes were fixated on only him! In a few short seconds, Yuuri would be there, in front of him, and Viktor wouldn't know what to do with himself.

Was that Yuuri who smelled so good? Each step the smell got stronger and stronger until finally…

Yuuri hooked his arms around Viktor's neck, pressing his body close to his. He smiled drunkenly, and with flushed cheeks, he moved against the male's body. These movements were silly, clinging onto him for dear life (or what it seems) as he was nuzzling into Viktor's scent gland. He let out a gentle moan as moved against him, sometimes letting out a soft giggle as he began mumbling in Japanese… Until finally he started speaking English to him.

"I was saaad, very saaaaad when you didn't… Didn't even acknowledge meee! We spent liiike… Five nights together in bed? Sharing bed..!" He then huffed as his nose nudged into his scent gland. "You smell so so so goood…" His lips moved against his scent gland, slowly, the tip of his tongue moving against it. "Are you--"

"Y-Yuuri--" Viktor was shocked by his behavior, his breath hitching at his actions. He was trying to stop him from saying anything. Why was he the only one who could smell how strong his scent was? "Are you okay…? You… What's wrong…?" He ran his fingers through his hair, trying to soothe the aroused male before then burying his nose into the top of his head. Why does this feel so familiar…? His memory was shit. He could forget things so quickly within a week, so why did this guy seem so sad when he was in the lobby waiting for his room when Viktor didn't talk to him? He was trying to wrap his head around the beauty who had just danced with him not too long ago.

"I'm all right," Yuuri whispered as his face buried right into the male's neck, nuzzling his nose into his scent gland when he tilted his head slightly. He let out a little whimper, wanting to press himself even closer but he was already close enough. "I am just sad… You ignored mee…~" He found himself pressing kisses to his scent gland, lapping his tongue lightly against it. He was ready to jump his bones as he lapped at his skin when suddenly he was pushed away from the male.

"You can't… You can't… Do that…" Viktor shook his head. "Calm down…" He whispered to the poor, drunken male. "Let's get you seated, okay~? How about that! You are too drunk to think about what you're doing… Yuuri, right?"

"Can't even remember my name…" Yuuri softly said, resting his forehead against his shoulder. "Can't even remember…" His heartbroken, little heart was shattering right before the male. "Even though I've…"

But his words stopped. He stopped speaking entirely as his focus was that scent that drove him crazy. It was right in front of him, right there, and yet nothing good was coming out of his situation. While he could be underneath the male right now, begging and screaming for the alpha, he was instead too drunk to even think about what he was saying to him. He wouldn't ask for him to have sex with him either way, but the thought of it was quite pleasant. Yuuri wished he could have that much confidence, but even when drunk he didn't have the courage to ask Viktor if he would love to spend a night with him in his hotel room to give Yuuri a new experience.

Celestino finally stepped in, picking Yuuri up by the waist and slung him over his shoulder. "Viktor! I'm sorry Yuuri bothered you like this. It won't happen again~!" He laughed, gently, before giving off a beautiful smile that helped Viktor calm down a little bit. The Russian skater let out a gentle laugh and shook his head before waving it off.

"I want him…" Yuuri mumbled to Celestino, nuzzling into his back. Tears were beginning to drip from his eyes. "I want him backk, Ciao-Ciao…" He bats at his chest gently; weakly. He couldn't handle not having his precious Vicchan around, and now the closest thing to Vicchan was being ripped away from him because he was too much of a drunken bother to him.

"Let's go, Yuuri," Celestino grunted. Heavy… He began walking out of the room and headed straight to Yuuri's hotel room to let him rest up in his room and sleep it off. He needed to be monitored closely tonight, especially with the amount of alcohol he consumed. He was surprised Yuuri didn't need to go to the hospital. He seemed fine, perfect even, minus all the drunken talk and dancing. He needed to keep this from Yuuri. He couldn't let anyone tell him what happened here tonight and to have it posted? That would destroy Yuuri. He was only looking out for his little skater.

 

* * *

 

The next morning Yuuri had the worst hangover ever. There was no sick feeling in his stomach, just a bad headache that wouldn't go away, stressing him more. He tried eating and eating, but after a while, he was getting that unsettling, sick feeling that he didn't want to experience. Since Celestino checked out for him, all Yuuri needed to do was go down to the lobby with his things that were packed right before the banquet last night, and deal with many people bombarding him with things he didn't remember. Everything from last night was dark, and he didn't want to think about it. Celestino said that he had done nothing wrong, just came up to his room and stripped off his clothing after spending time a few other skaters with his drunken talk, but that didn't make sense of why he has Christophe's phone number tucked into his briefs.

Eh… He put it to good use, at least.

Christophe happily helped Yuuri with bringing his luggage down to the lobby. He was also willing enough to give Yuuri a pair of sunglasses to wear to help with all the harsh lighting and made sure he didn't stumble and fall by holding onto him. Christophe was kind to him and brought nothing of what happened to them last night up. Nothing... But he was tempted to ask Yuuri a little question that he knew would embarrass the poor boy, but seeing the state, he was in currently caused him to draw back on his words.

Viktor was in the lobby, waiting for Yuri and Yakov to finally check out and get their things out of the hotel room. Yuuri took notice of him at first, staring at him through the sunglasses, but then shifted his gaze to glance up towards Christophe who was happy being his wall until he got into the taxi. He couldn't help but snuggle into him a little bit, something the Japanese male didn't often do but his heat was soothing him slightly. Yuuri didn't know Viktor's harsh glaring, but Christophe did, and he couldn't help but grin to himself.

"You must be tired… Did you not get too much sleep last night?" Christophe asked, rubbing the top of his head. "That headache must be killing you…"

"I got… A decent amount of sleep, it's just the headache…" Yuuri mumbled, letting out a gentle sigh as he felt fingers run through his hair soothingly. "Thank you for this… It's helping me calm down…" He closed his eyes and let the darkness take over for the moments he stood there, not wanting to go anywhere near the couch area or he would have to either interact with Viktor or be so dangerously close that it would make Yuuri nervous. "Whatever happened last night must have been wild… How much did I drink?"

"A lot…" Christophe was vague with his answer. "You could blend in well with the Russian's, you know…" He teased him a little bit on his drinking habit, chuckling when he saw Yuuri's cheeks turn a slight pink.

"I guess I could… My father is terrible when he drinks, so I get it from him. It's not my fault… I should always stay away from the alcohol when I'm out in public. I am glad to hear that I didn't do too much when I was drunk. Usually, I would go crazy but… No one seems to be mentioning it or high-fiving me, so that's good, I guess," Yuuri shrugged. "I just want to get over this headache, go to Detroit, and maybe head home. I don't think I'll be skating next year."

Christophe widened his eyes in sudden surprised. He grabbed Yuuri's arms, held him out, and looked in in the eyes when he pushed the sunglasses up. It looked weird that Yuuri had sunglasses on when he had regular glasses underneath, so maybe it was a good thing that Christophe had slipped his glasses up so he could gaze into those beautiful brown eyes when he said, "Don't you dare quit skating. Everyone loves you out there on the ice. You would be dearly missed if you left the ice."

Yuuri was shocked for a moment, staring at him with his head tilting to the side. He didn't understand as to why the other cared so much for him skating on the ice. If he wanted to quit then he should quit, shouldn't he? He wasn't happy anymore with his skating, and he felt like he lacked in multiple places, so of course, he wanted to quit. This was his decision, and he wasn't going to allow for someone else to make this decision for him. He wanted to be him again. He wanted to not feel so tired because of constant studying and his skating career. Now that he was going to graduate from college, he could focus more on his skating, and he knew that! But… He didn't want to deal with the constant aches and pains; the sleepless nights; losing friendships that you could have gained due to you now having a job. He could take his job to Japan, live it out over there, and he could get a better schedule plus more money!

"I… I have to think about that…" Yuuri softly said to Christophe. "This is too hard on my head, so please just… I can't stress on it anymore at this point."

Christophe sighed for a moment before then slowly nodding, "I understand. Please text me or FaceTime me at any time. I am willing to help you with your decision by telling you the benefits, and I'm ready to reveal my secrets to you, too~" He winked, grinning when he saw Yuuri's face suddenly turn a light pink. "That's cute."

Yuuri shook his head quickly and gave him a little nudge, "Shut up…" He let out a gentle laugh before turning to Celestino. "It looks like he's giving me the go ahead on heading to the taxi. It's here, thank God…" He let out a gentle sigh and rubbed his eyes by lifting his glasses. He then moved to slip back on the sunglasses. They were barely clinging to his face, but he needed these sunglasses right now with how bright it was outside. He knew it would be hard on the eyes. "I'll see you around, okay?" He smiled, leaning up to press a gentle kiss to his cheek. Bold move. He then walked off, face a bright red now.

"See you around~ Oh! And Yuuri! Call me Chris!" Chris smirked and crossed his arms for a moment. "You can calm down, you know, Viktor."

Viktor blinked, "Me?" He pointed to himself for a moment and tilted his head to the side. "You can smell that?!" He was shocked.

"You forgot your scent blocking soap," Chris sighed gently. "You shouldn't be doing that, especially since there was a little omega in the room and he isn't claimed. What if he took notice of your scent?"

"Well, he didn't!" Viktor happily said to the male, before his face fell. "I… I don't like you hanging around him. I don't like that he's kissing your cheek. I don't like it…" It made Viktor feel weird. It made him feel different. He wasn't talking like himself, acting like himself, and has been this way since one of his competitions. He just didn't know why he was acting like this and he wanted to figure out the root of his problem.

"You… Imprinted on him--" Chris suddenly said. He couldn't help but let out a gentle laugh. "I can't believe you imprinted on someone. Well, guess what… You have to do something, or he'll choose someone he shouldn't be with instead of choosing you."

"I didn't…" Viktor widened his eyes and shook his head. "No… I don't even know him, and he doesn't even know me. I don't know why he acted the way he did around me, but I don't think anything should change... He's weak. He can't handle something like this. He can't handle me."

Chris sighed, "He looks up to you." He crossed his arms. "You can't say that about someone who looks up to you. He wants to be with you… I can see it in his eyes. You haven't been with a single person in your life, Viktor. Not one person. You need to find someone who is willing to love you for who you are, not by lying about your past relationships. I'm going to give it a go if you don't." He ran his fingers through his hair. "I hope you choose wisely…~"

Viktor breathed shakily. He didn't know Yuuri at all! How could he…

But he did want the male. This jealousy was killing him, and he wanted it to stop… But to have a relationship with someone when he should focus on skating? That's not something he should do. Yakov would kill him if he ruined his career to be with an omega. He has maybe a good year left in him, and while he did think about quitting because Makkachin has so little time left in the world, others insisted that he shouldn't think like that.

No. His career needs to press on, and he couldn't throw it all away for one person.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLOT TWIST! >:)


	4. Unfortunate Trouble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris was an interference in Viktor's life, but a blessing to Yuuri... His life was beginning to turn around, but alas, not everything will go Yuuri's way.
> 
> Misunderstandings truly do suck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SLIGHT CHRIS/YUURI, OR WELL, A BIG PART OF IT. It's only for plot, don't worry. <3
> 
> I know, I'm terrible. It's been two months. I recently got a job, and I'm rather excited that I am actually making money with this job, plus I have classes. I hope to update more frequently, but I already want to make more content. ;v; Also, just so you know, I beta this fiction all by myself and with a program. I am sorry if it's not to your particular taste of if it is so confusing, but you are going to have to put up with it. I'm very sorry, but I'm trying my hardest here!
> 
> Shorter chapter. Rip me.
> 
> Follow me on Twitter and on Tumblr!
> 
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/YuuriKatsucc)  
> [Tumblr](http://anxiousprinceonice.tumblr.com/)

Life was beginning to turn around as time progressed. Phichit was upset that Yuuri was thinking about going back to Japan and finishing off his skating career. When he heard this rumor from someone other than Yuuri it only made him angrier that his best friend wouldn’t even tell him that he was thinking about quitting without telling him first. Who did he tell first? Who was the culprit for this rumor that spreading like wildfire?  
  
Phichit put a stop to it right away, and he knew that this would work.

 

* * *

 

Spring was around the corner, and Yuuri finished with college. Phichit had been persistent as he worked on getting Yuuri not to quit as he was finishing up his last semester, always telling him that this was a mistake and that he should continue his skating career because everyone loved him. It worked. These thoughts that would always run through Yuuri’s mind told him that maybe he should try out at least one more season before quitting the best career he ever had. Maybe after this season, he could have his voice acting career take off, and he could take on many more projects. It was a matter of thinking and not being rash with his decisions.  
  
Yuuri got through the rest of his competitions but failed halfway through, thus ending his season earlier than he had anticipated. For right now, as he waited for every competition to come to a stop, he thought he could take on more projects instead of waiting around for a new season to begin. He did mini competitions here and there to gain some more money, but what his focus was on was his voice acting career. The good thing is he could stop taking suppressants and finally allow himself to have his regular heats until he needed to start up practice again. He knew it would be a mistake to do this, but his body needed to release some frustration for a full week and suppressing it all the time could be damaging to the body.  
  
He didn’t want to destroy his body so that he could get more practice hours. He’s seen some other skaters do that, even if there are rarely ever any omegas, and he watched as their lives crumbled away when a doctor told them that they were infertile and can never have a child. Yuuri wanted children. He didn’t want to live his life knowing that he missed his chance to have babies because of this stupid career. He wasn’t an idiot.  
  
The weather was still a bitter cold, and a pain in the ass, but Yuuri was pulling through it. He didn’t have a car, so he usually took buses or walked to his destination, even when it was cold outside. Snow crunched beneath his feet every single day, and there seemed to be no sign of the snow stopping for a while now. He did try to go out running when there was less snow outside so he could bring down his weight again, and since it was so bitterly cold outside Yuuri lost more than he had expected to in such a short amount of time (but he’s always lost weight so easily). He was glad that the weight gain he had suffered through quickly was dismissible and that he didn’t have to feel so bad about his body. Others would sometimes make fun of him when it comes to weight gain, but only because they didn’t know any better when it came to talking about it around Yuuri. That didn’t matter since it’s only happened several times and he’s always tried to stop it before it got out of hand.  
  
Yuuri was just more than happen to be in the studio again _and_ he didn’t have to keep his dirty little secret about being an omega anymore since he’s done his work without flirting with the other alphas that worked with him. He wasn’t working as a voice actor to have sex with them, no. He worked as a voice actor to have more experience and get the money he needs. He’s paid most of his loans already—no, he’s paid almost all of it off entirely thanks to his skating career and his now new voice acting career. He was more than happy to do BL works and was more than glad to voice act for anime as all the work from Japan was given to him even if he was in Detroit. It also helped he wasn’t willing to go on panels as himself so he didn’t need to fly on over for conventions and meetings could be done via Skype. This was a dream come true.  
  
Winter was breezing by smoothly, and Yuuri was gladly talking to Christophe all the time to take his mind off the thoughts about Viktor. He still couldn’t remember that night where he blacked out, but everyone was kind enough not to discuss the banquet with Yuuri because they knew he would feel utterly embarrassed about what happened. They didn’t know what Yuuri would do if Yuuri found out that he had ground himself right into Viktor and showed signs of arousal in front of everyone. He had made a fool out of himself in front of a lot of people, and that would ruin Yuuri if he found out what he had done.  
  
All Yuuri needed to focus on right now was his next BL he was working on and his heat that could come in at any moment. He didn’t have a proper schedule since he got off all his medication so his heat could happen in the middle of the day while others surrounded him or it could happen when he is in his little apartment when Phichit was out of the apartment or possibly even in the apartment! The whole heat ordeal was nerve-wracking, but Yuuri was way too excited for it as well (as weird as it sounded to both him and Phichit). He liked having an excuse for getting a week off, being able to take time for himself and to explore himself more. He was also glad that Phichit had somewhere else to stay when he was in the mood to do it with anyone.  
  
It was just a matter of waiting for the time to come.  
  
Getting to relax at home was very nice. He laid back, eyes closed, and tried to ignore this smell that he has been smelling for a while, a fresh smell of oranges. It was getting stronger and stronger, and while he knew what it was, he couldn’t guess when his heat would be. It was soon, and he knew that. It being soon was rather exciting. He hasn’t experienced a steady heat in a year, which made it much stronger than what it usually would be. Working all alone like this was always the most terrible thing, particularly as it has been doing this for twenty-three years now. Doing this for that long with merely just toys and his hand, no one there to please him, was too much. Phichit had offered to do it plenty of times, but Yuuri just didn’t feel comfortable with it.  
  
So Yuuri thought.  
  
Yuuri didn’t know the truth about Phichit’s right secondary gender. If he were an alpha, he wouldn’t have expected it considering he seemed too tiny to be an alpha, but not all alphas were big in body size. If his best friend were an alpha, then he would have felt sorry that he had been rooming with him for a long time. The only barrier they had between them when Yuuri was in heat was him leaving the room for the whole week and sleeping somewhere else, or having to deal with it and leave Yuuri be by somehow hanging a sheet in the room. With the extra money Yuuri has, he was thinking of renting out a place, but he also didn’t know how long he would be staying in Detroit since his career might as well be over soon. Phichit would feel terrible without Yuuri in his life, Yuuri knew this, but he also didn’t want to stay stuck in some place when he could have his career happening while he was in Japan. It would make more sense if he were there, and he’d be so close to his family. The thought of having his family surrounding him was a fantastic idea.  
  
Yuuri missed his entire family. He hasn’t seen them in /years/ and he still wasn’t able to now that he was staying on board with his skating career. He was dying to take a visit, of course, he was, but even when Yuuri wasn’t skating for the next few months, he needed to practice still so he could keep up with the other skaters. Yuuri was trying to get much better than what he had been previously. He wanted to practice enough to where he could maybe even place when it comes to the Grand Prix Final. If he could place, knocking down one of the three best skaters he knew who managed to even get into the GPF, then maybe his career wouldn’t be over.  
  
He doubted that he would ever place, but he wanted to try at least.  
  
  
Chris had been texting Yuuri, and of course, Yuuri had been texting back. He was sometimes up at unhealthy hours of the night just messaging him, growing closer and closer to him over the past four months. Chris was becoming busy again, and while it was a shame, he was still present enough to even FaceTime with Yuuri. The amount of times Chris had been shirtless… That did things to Yuuri’s heart even if he didn’t have the biggest crush in the world on him since the spot was for someone who would never love him, but it didn’t mean he couldn’t have a crush on two people. He would never act on his crush on Chris. Flirting was fun though. It was something he never did, and even if it was something he had never imaged doing, he liked that he could do something fun for once in his life.  
  
But suddenly Yuuri’s texts stopped. He went into heat at the very beginning of March.  
  
When Chris hadn’t received any texts from Yuuri, he began to text him a little more the first day. It was strange not to have him texting him at all during the rest of the day and the night. When finally he got an answer, the text had been messy, and he could barely correctly read it. He did take note that the poor boy was in heat and he couldn’t help but smile a little bit. Yuuri, on the other hand, felt completely embarrassed by the text he had sent in his sane moment. In his mind, he wanted to text more. He needed something to get off to, and it was the only thought on his mind. Phichit would never be able to help with something like this. He was his best friend, and he honestly didn’t want to hear such an innocent man say such words to him to help him get off.  
  
Chris made sense when it came to something like this.  
  
It seems like Yuuri didn’t have to ask. He picked up his phone as he laid there, a panting mess and even tried to calm down. His cheeks flushed when he looked at the text and _man_ it didn’t help him keep calm at all.  
  
**Received** : You just killed my poor heart, dear. After such a rough day with skating, you dare tell me you’re in heat, and I can’t-do anything to help you? Tsk, tsk, Yuuri~.  
  
**Sent** : dont tese m plese. just don’t. cnat tke it chris  
  
**Received** : I don’t mean to tease, baby~. I only wish to please~. I can FaceTime you, and you can show me your pretty little face while I talk about all the sinful things I could do to you, my sweet Yuuri~.  
  
**Sent** : idon’t do that w people  
  
**Sent** : c al  me  
  
Yuuri couldn’t help but give in. He needed something to get off to. He needed to get off to something. There was too much sexual frustration; too much pent up. He didn’t like that he had to do everything by himself, and the videos he was trying to watch didn’t help either. He wanted Viktor, but all he had right now was Chris. It wasn’t good that he was doing this, but in his mind, all he could think about was having someone talking him; controlling him. He wanted an alpha inside of him, thrusting deep inside of him repeatedly. To only feel a toy inside of him, or his fingers weren't enough for him anymore. To only be by himself wasn’t enough anymore.  
  
Yuuri hadn’t expected a FaceTime, but he answered it anyway. The only thing Chris could see was his face twisted with pleasure, lips parted, and cheeks red.  
  
“Ch-Chris…”  
  
“Yuuri…” Chris had this little smirk on his face. “Getting to see this before Viktor Nikiforov is quite the pleasure…”  
  
Yuuri shook his head and buried his face into his pillow, “I don’t… Ha… I don’t think I should be doing this. I don’t want you to see me like this…”  
  
“If you’re not comfortable with me seeing your face, feel free to take off your camera. I don’t mind being the show for you if that’s what you want,” Chris winked into the camera. “I only aim to please a beautiful omega like you, okay? I don’t ask for anything in return~.”  
  
Yuuri felt relief when he heard those words escape his mouth, but he wanted his face to be watched by the other. His mind was reeling, his heart was pounding, and he knew he wasn’t able to make the right decisions while in this state. The fact that he was even thinking at all was a miracle itself, but his mind wasn’t as fogged up as what it had been earlier. He stayed there, on his knees, thinking for a moment as he stared at the screen. He bit his bottom lip and shook his head for a moment.  
  
“I’ll let you see my face…”  
  
Chris was excited to hear this. Oh, he got to see the one thing that no one has ever gotten to see. Even if he weren't viewing it in person, one day he would get to if he got lucky. His lips parted, his eyes glazed over with lust, and soon enough he had a little smirk forming. God, hearing the other say those six little words got him excited. He had said it in a way that turned him on very fast.  
  
“You would not believe how turned on I am right now just by hearing you say that, Yuuri…”  
  
Yuuri’s face flushed. His body felt hot all over, turned on more than what he had been before. He produced a bit more slick, his hand now behind him as he pushed three fingers gently inside of his body. “I need you to say things to me…”  
  
“Oh? What would you like for me to say?”  
  
“Anything…” Yuuri breathed out.  
  
On the inside, Yuuri felt terrible that he was doing what he was doing, but then he realized that none of this was a mistake. Viktor would never like him the way Yuuri likes him. To the man, his existence didn’t matter. To Viktor, Yuuri is simply just another skater trying to take the spot of first place, and he would do anything to place in the GPF. Even with Yuuri’s crushing defeat, he could still do something this season if he tried much harder and didn’t get distracted by the horrors of life. To Viktor, Yuuri was just the competition, and he would mean nothing more to the potential alpha. Considering Yuuri had been drunk the last time they interacted, he couldn’t recall whether or not Viktor was an alpha or not.  
  
“Oh, Yuuri…” Chris had pulled off his shirt. “I can just see how bad you want to be filled right now… Are those fingers not doing you any good? Why not get yourself toy?”  
  
Yuuri scrambled for a moment, moving his hand to grab what he needed. He grabbed a large vibrator. This was his favorite toy, something he loved to sit down on or simply fuck himself on. He always hated the slutty side of him, but he knew that no one else would get to see it. Now that Chris was viewing at least his face, he felt anxiety overwhelming him a little bit, but he tried to ignore it. All he needed to focus on right now was pleasing himself and making sure Chris got off to him as well.  
  
“Ah, I see…” Chris chuckled. “Would you rather that toy be me instead…?”  
  
Yuuri gave a shy nod and buried his mouth into the pillow, a small moan slipping past his freshly bitten lips as he held the camera out. By his angle, Chris could partially see that Yuuri had his hips raised up, knowing well that he was on his knees. That thought excited him even further, hand moving down to adjust himself in his shorts. He would be crazy to leave them on though, quickly discarding the shorts when he realized that he could just take them off. No one was home with him. He lived alone. What was the point of him even wearing clothes when all he had was his precious cat?  
  
“Imagine it’s me, Yuuri… Go on… Slip it inside of you… Don’t just use those small fingers of yours. I want to hear you moan out.”  
  
Yuuri nodded at his order and moved the toy to his entrance. There was no need for lubrication or prep considering all Yuuri had been doing all day is fucking himself. He knew he would be ready enough to take a toy this big inside of his body. He breathed in, shakily, and then pressed the tip of the vibrator against his entrance. He then slid it in, slowly, before beginning to push the rest of the toy inside of him until it was deeply pressed in. He could take in a lot for someone who was a virgin, not freshly fucked by someone hung. Was Viktor hung? He’s seen faint outlines in some of his practice videos, and he seems to be the only one to pay attention to that part of Viktor. It wasn’t his fault. His eyes wandered and lingered, as well as his hand.  
  
“H-Haa… Chris… Feels good…”  
  
“Isn’t it a vibrator, though? Why not put it on the lowest setting for me?”  
  
Yuuri complied immediately, scrambling for the remote and quickly flicked it onto the lowest vibrating setting. He let out a louder moan than what he had let out before, head tilted back, neck exposed to Chris. He thickly swallowed after catching his breath, his other hand now gripping at his bed sheets. He shifted a little, moving the hand that held the phone to prop the phone up again something. That caused him to move around, grabbing the nearest, and biggest, book he could find while he was in one spot. It wasn’t hard. Sometimes he read large books if there was nothing better to do. Sometimes he finished these books, at times he didn’t.  
  
“There we go…” Chris sighed softly, the hand having traveled down to his aching length. He grasped it, giving himself a few good tugs before then chuckling. “I can see your eyes, Yuuri. Do you want to look?”  
  
Yuuri hesitated with answering, but he couldn’t help that omega part of him that was dying to see something. He nodded, whispering, “Yes please…” He licked his lips slowly, waiting for the one thing he really wanted to see. He wanted for a good ten seconds, hearing Chris shuffling around for something. What was he doing…?  
  
“There we go…”  
  
Chris had laid down, giving the other the perfect view of his torso and his cock. Seeing this view sent Yuuri over the edge, and he suddenly cried out as he came. It was even a shock to him, but seeing someone live and just for him made his cock jump and ache in excitement. Of course, he couldn’t help that his body wanted an immediate release from just one look. It was crazy, yes, but Chris had gotten a kick out of it. He even decided to give his cock a good squeeze and moan gently for the omega.  
  
“I’m glad you like it,” Chris chuckled. “Luckily for you, Yuuri, you’ll see me do more than just put my hand on it.”  
  
Yuuri loved hearing this. He loved that Chris was giving him all this special attention when he honestly didn’t deserve it. He began to move the toy in and out of his body, moaning gently for the male as his other hand grabbed his hard cock and pumped slowly. Even after releasing so hard like that, he still was as hard as a rock. His eyes were fixated on the sight before him. Chris was slowly moving his hand on his cock, head tilted back, but his eyes were still focused on the view of Yuuri’s pretty little face. He shifted again, deciding to make it, so the camera was facing the other way, and he gave Yuuri a better view of his cock when he was lying fully on his back and pointing the camera towards his cock.  
  
“That’s it, baby boy…” Chris let out gently, laughing lightly when he saw Yuuri’s body jerk forward, and he let out a loud moan from just the nickname. “Ah, do you like being called that?”  
  
Yuuri nodded in response, hands speeding up faster in both areas. Chris gave himself a harsh tug before moving his hand. He acted as if he was fixing his earbud, but in reality, he decided to take screenshots of the boy pleasing himself. It’s not like Chris was the one to share his photos with anyone. He just wanted to remember Yuuri Katsuki’s face as he pleases himself to the sight of his length. When he heard Yuuri whine, of course, Chris returned back to pumping his cock. His breath was going shaking now, and his movements were faster.  
  
With each passing moment, Chris’s hand sped up. His moans were getting increasingly louder, and when he noticed that Yuuri might be close to releasing again, he took another screenshot. When he had released for the second time while in a call with Chris, another screenshot. Their little adventure lasted an hour, Yuuri unable to tire himself out but Chris did a number on himself after a while. He was tired from practice that day, and it was pretty late on his end. He didn’t want to keep himself up for too long when he had practiced the next day.  
  
“I’ll have to call it a night,” Chris switched the camera. He was still panting from his third releasing. “Yuuri, make sure to keep hydrated, okay?” He had to be good somewhere. “I don’t want to hear from Phichit that you’re in the hospital because your heat was so terrible.”  
  
“Haa… Okay…” Yuuri let out shakily. “Ah, b-bye…”  
  
Of course, he would be a little pre-occupied. There was no problem in that. The call ended, but Yuuri’s pleasing did not.

 

* * *

 

Yuuri’s heat lasted the usual amount of time. It took him a week considering he did it alone with the occasional calls from Chris to help him through, and sometimes Phichit stopping by to make sure Yuuri was properly fed and hydrated. He was the greatest best friend anyone could ever have. He was always there for Yuuri no matter what happened to him. A real blessing. Now all Yuuri could do was rest up and watch the performances for the World Championships. It was a shame he hadn’t qualified this year, but he knew he could qualify next year if he didn’t let himself down.  
  
Watching Worlds honestly made Yuuri feel terrible. These feeling swirled within him, sometimes tears in his eyes as he thought on his failure from the previous season. He could have qualified if he hadn’t let everything get to him. He could have been so close to Viktor or get to see Chris if it weren’t for his mistakes. This wasn’t an uncommon occurrence. The mistakes he usually made weren’t as bad as what had happened at the GPF, but they were noticeable mistakes that were always pointed out to him. When they were pointed out, it did not calm his nerves whatsoever, but he always seemed to pull through in those situations.  
  
Worlds appeared to drag on for Yuuri for the first day, Men’s short program on later, but during this time he was able to evaluate himself. He sometimes would go on YouTube and look through his old videos of his progression, and then he began looking at his tragic failure from what happened at the GPF. He decided to write down all that he did wrong, things that he could improve on and would text Phichit sometimes his little list. Yuuri needed as much help he could get, so he had Phichit watch the videos while he was thousands of miles away from him despite him needing to compete in a few hours. He missed his best friend, he truly did, but at the same time, Yuuri was glad he got alone time. This was the time he had desperately needed.  
  
Time to evaluate himself without someone breathing down his neck the whole entire time.  
  
Yuuri paid attention when the Men’s skating came on. He paid attention to backstage when they would switch to it for at least a good minute as the announcers spoke. He noticed something different this year. Viktor—instead of talking to Chris—seemed to be ignoring him in a way and casting side glances. Those little glances did not see friendly from what Yuuri could see so that only made Yuuri curious. He watched them closely as they stayed on the screen, seeing the continuous glances until Viktor was finally being interviewed. Ah. He was up next… Yuuri wondered what questions would be asked now.  
  
Yuuri could see that beautiful smile on Viktor’s face. What he was just seconds ago glaring Chris down, thinking he wouldn’t be seen by anyone, he was a happy little idiot at this point. He happily spoke, before then leaving the interview to go on up. This was exciting. Yuuri loved it when Viktor skated, even if Viktor didn’t even bother to remember Yuuri. While he wanted Viktor in his life, Yuuri was just a mere fan, nothing special. He didn’t understand what this confrontation was about between Chris and Viktor, but if it were about him, he would feel terrible.  
  
Chris seemed to be glancing on over to Viktor, before shaking his head and walking off the screen. This was bad. Why did Yuuri have this feeling that this was all happening because of him? He didn’t understand what this feeling was, but it was just a mere gut feeling that he couldn’t quite get over. So, all he could do was sit there and hope that he would get a text at some point from Chris, or Phichit, or someone! It has been radio silence for most of the day, besides the quick replies here and there from both skaters who were seemingly busy.  
  
Ugh. Yuuri wished he could be there and support every skater in person, but he was stuck recovering from his heat and needing to practice for upcoming competitions. He needed to improve on his skating as a whole himself, and while he couldn’t complete that quite yet, he knew what to do when the time came around to doing it. He was excited about his new training regime. He only hoped he wouldn’t quit before any of the big competitions he could compete in.  
  
Chris sent Yuuri a quick text, telling him to not worry about what was happening on the TV, and just to focus on all the skating. It seemed a little strange at first, but Yuuri shook his head and replied back with a simple, ‘Okay, good luck,’ and sent it off with a heart at the end. Yuuri smiled to himself, his heart feeling warmer than usual, all these feelings bursting on through without him actually wanting it to happen. He then decided to shake them off, burying his face into the little Viktor pillow Phichit had bought him not that long ago. He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath, trying to forget all the evil of the world. This was easy when he thought about Viktor’s skating, and then he thought about his best friend.  
  
Viktor finally went up. Yuuri watched with excitement, his eyes lighting up a little bit when he skids onto the ice. He watched with curiosity, seeing that sad expression, as well as sad look in his eyes and he,  couldn’t help but knit his brows together. What was wrong? His short program started, and Yuuri was a little concerned with his lack of motivation. This was odd from the great Viktor Nikiforov, but overall his performance seemed flawless. There were no over rotations, no falls, and no jump components changed. He seemed very stiff during some parts of his performance, but other than that he had done perfectly with his skating. It was nice to know that no matter what he was going through, he still performed to the best of his ability. That's what Yuuri loved about Viktor.  
  
Yuuri found himself sighing as soon as his performance had ended, heart beating faster than ever before. When the scores came up, Yuuri cheered in the excitement that his score was higher than anyone who was present. Yuuri wished he could give Viktor a challenge, but he wasn’t an expert when it came to skating. Nothing would ever beat Viktor Nikiforov, and that applied to Yuuri as well. Still, even if he couldn’t see Viktor skate in person right now and try to beat him, he could watch it on the screen and fantasize about being there, so close he could almost touch the male. Yuuri wished he could actually touch him… He really did wish.

Yuuri had no reasoning to be able to touch Viktor. It had been so long since they had gotten even remotely close - to Yuuri it’s long - and he felt like he would never have a chance ever again to feel Viktor's warmth so close to his skin. They've ended up in competition with one another, and yet Viktor never seemed to care enough to even congratulate Yuuri on anything or acknowledge Yuuri congratulating Viktor. Viktor has won many times when they've interacted, so Yuuri only pieced together that the other was simply sick of all the compliments and would rather nod his head than waste his breath.

Yuuri wished he could touch his skin and tell him good luck.

Yuuri wished he could congratulate him and have Viktor actually appreciate it.Yuuri…

Yuuri will never ever have this satisfaction.

 

The competition continued with a little gap in between for other competitions. Yuuri wasn't as interested when these events took place, so he would usually play on his phone and send Chris or Phichit a text message. He was glad that he could actually text then no matter how much it affected his sleep schedule, same with watching all the programs. There was no way he was going to get little sleep when all he cared for was the men skating. Chris seemed to tease him on this one, knowing damn well what Yuuri sexuality is and always insinuating that he just liked looking at all the hot men skating in very tight outfits.

Ah, Chris was certainly persistent, especially with photos that showed his legs and his very noticeable crotch. Yuuri always found himself shivering and nearly throwing his phone across the room whenever he would receive some sort of picture like this. Yuuri would never get used to it. Sometimes he would even scream, especially if he were in a very public setting surrounded by people that easily judge anyone they encounter. It wasn't pleasant. Yuuri knew Chris meant well, just wanting to show off, and others have done this before, but Yuuri was actually attracted to this male, and he didn't know what to do. Send something back? What if he was surrounded by people? That's what scared Yuuri the most. Yuuri wanted to boost his own confidence, though. He didn't want to be kept up in a shell all the time and hoped that he could at least send / _something_ / to Chris. Maybe eventually…

And that eventually would be very soon.

Chris couldn't help but realize that Viktor has been avoiding him as of late, and it pissed Chris off just a little bit. He didn't understand why Viktor was acting this way, but he wanted to fix it as soon as he could, and that meant right after skating. After having sent Yuuri that teasing little picture, he felt like now would be the time to talk to Viktor. This competition was getting to their heads, and Chris wasn't going to ruin a decent friendship because of something he didn't entirely understand. Was it because of Yuuri that Viktor wanted little to do with Chris? It didn't make sense. The only time either of them had interacted was when they had to share a room together and when Yuuri was shit-faced.

Ah. Maybe…? No. Chris shook that thought off.

Chris had decided to tell Viktor to meet him at a restaurant nearby, even giving him the address so he knew exactly where it was (or could at least track it with a GPS). Chris waited for what seemed like an hour until finally Viktor entered on into the restaurant and found Chris. The male stood and waved towards Viktor, smiling slightly to show he wanted to be friendly. Viktor marginally smiled back, sitting down in front of the other male skater, and his smile disappeared.

“You seem… Okay around me now,” Chris sighed gently and pressed a hand to his own cheek. He was still confused about earlier incidents. “Care to explain why you have been so cold to me, Viktor~? It pains me to not have a fellow friend speak to me.”

Viktor let out a gentle chuckle before shaking his head. “You should know what you did, Chris. You know how I looked at him.”

Chris could only blink. Oh. So this /is/ about that precious little Katsudon. He might have provoked Viktor at the hotel, but he honestly thought Viktor had become disinterested with the knowledge that Yuuri could potentially be sleeping with Chris. “It’s about Yuuri, then.”

Viktor nodded his head. It was. Viktor had been angered ever since he saw those two interacting as if they had been close this whole time. Viktor knew the reason why Chris was getting dangerously close to Yuuri, and he didn't appreciate this one bit. Viktor was worried for Yuuri, knowing that the male skater is indeed an omega, but at the same time, he knew he couldn't put a claim on the most precious skater out there. It felt like he had, though. Ever since that night, Viktor had been obsessed with Yuuri in a way. He was always on his mind, and yet Viktor had to focus on his skating. While Viktor wished he could drop everything just for the cute little omega who stole his heart away, life wasn't that easy for Viktor, and he would rather not have rumors sprouting up about Yuuri.

Simply, he cared for Yuuri.

“Viktor… Are we honestly fighting for a little omega? We can always share…~” Chris grinned for a moment, leaning forward. “It doesn't just have to be one alpha with one, cute omega.” He knew this suggestion would make Viktor mad, but he couldn't care less right now. He wanted to lighten up the mood, and it seems like he couldn't do that with Viktor right now. That's the disappointing part. Viktor usually laughed happily at Chris’s jokes, making sure to show that he was okay with it. Right now, he got the cold, harsh glare that Viktor rarely gave anyone anymore. Viktor was usually cheerful, always making sure to show that he was okay with something, and he was always so expressive. Now…

“You’re implying something I don't like,” Viktor warned. “Are you buddy-buddy with Yuuri now? Have you gotten close to him?”

“Maybe…” Chris sighed softly. “And why does that matter to you if he and I have gotten close or not? You didn't show any interest, Viktor. You need to seem interested for me to back down. Listen, Viktor. I don't want this to ruin our friendship. We were fine until this all happened, and now we're fighting over an omega? We shouldn't be doing this. He's an omega, and you have been my friend for a while now. We shouldn't let that split us apart.”

Viktor let out a gentle sigh, eyes sliding closed for a moment. He had to think about what Chris was saying. He wasn't exactly wrong with what he was saying, but at the same time it kind of pissed him off a little bit. He could have said this before. It had been months since the GPF, and now he thinks about mending their friendship?

…

Maybe he should accept?

“...You’re right…” Viktor sighed and pressed his hands to his forehead. “We shouldn't be fighting over something like this.” He pressed his hands to his face and shook his head a bit. “I just… I want to get close to him. He's… Fascinating, Chris. I think I fell in love with him. I want him as mine and you…”

Chris couldn't help but feel bad. He let out a gentle sigh and thought for a moment. Maybe he could give him Yuuri’s number? Would that work?

“I just don't want our friendship to be ruined. We shouldn't fight over this,” Chris held his hand out. “Forgive me?” He smiled a bit, head tilted slightly to the side.

Viktor stared at his hand for a moment, before bringing his own out and nodding his head. “I forgive you. I guess we just needed to talk.” There was that smile. They both shook hands and Viktor was the first to retreat.

“I have to use the restroom,” Chris got up. “I'll be back.” He pointed his order to Viktor and left.

Viktor stared at the menu as he waited for Chris. He found something he liked and set the menu down, glancing towards the other menu on the table. Then he glanced at the phone that lit up on the table, Viktor blinking and grabbing it. He hated being nosy, but… He decided to check the text he got out.

Viktor immediately regretted it.

There was a picture of Yuuri, hair messy, cheeks flushed, and most of his body showing. It seemed like Yuuri was bold when he was alone, because he wore quite the revealing outfit - a crop top, a pair of short shorts, and he was wearing thigh highs. Viktor had never seen the shy boy in such a position, and his heart sank when he realized he was sending it to Chris. He didn't even know Yuuri, and yet his heart sank! Viktor glanced up towards the bathroom and grit his teeth. He forwarded the picture to himself and glanced to the contact information.

…

Baby Boy Katsuki?

He breathed out shakily, trying not to release his anger through his scent. Did they do this often? What has Yuuri sent Chris other than this? Were they dating? Oh, the anger only grew worse the more Viktor thought. He slammed the phone down after getting the phone number and leaned back in his seat. When Chris returned, he tried to smile, but he failed miserably.

“You’re sexting him…”

“What-?”

Chris glanced at his phone.

“Oh.”

“Yeah. You're sexting Yuuri.”

“I only helped him get off,” Chris shrugged. “He needed to expand his thoughts, so I helped him his first night, and that was it. We have been texting more comfortably, but we aren't dating. I do tease him a little bit…~ Those little emoticons he sends are cute! I can't resist…~”

Viktor slammed his fist down onto the table. His alpha showed, eyes scanning his when Chris stopped talking. “So, you saw his body?”

“No, Viktor, only his face. I barely even saw that.” Chris replied, sternly. “You're getting upset about a little thing that's happening between us. It might not last, you know how I am, so why are you making a fuss about it?”

“I told you how I feel about him, Chris. I just told you. It shows how sincere you are about our friendship,” Viktor stood up. “I lost my appetite. I'll see you later, Chris.”

Viktor had turned his back on his ‘best friend’ quickly. He didn’t quite understand these feelings himself, but he had this feeling deep inside of him, upset that Yuuri sent Chris such things. He wanted to feel aroused due to the omega, just like how he had been that one night, but he didn’t have Yuuri. Chris had Yuuri. This was a disaster. He didn’t know why he hadn’t noticed Yuuri before, but honestly, he wished he had. He wanted Yuuri to be his and only his, but he knew so little about him. He had no right to claim him when he didn’t bother to get to know Yuuri or stop Chris from getting so close. What if Chris is just using him? What if he absolutely destroys Yuuri? Viktor didn’t want to live to see that day.

He had grabbed Yuuri's phone number, staring at it in his phone, but now that he thought about it… He didn’t want to interfere too much. He didn’t want to suddenly grab Yuuri's number and tell him who he was because he had no explanation of how he had gotten his number. What is the point of trying? Yuuri might actually be smitten with Chris and might only want him now despite seeming absolutely interested in Viktor at the banquet last December. That made his heart sink…

 _Yuuri… Why didn’t I try and get to know you before…?_

 

* * *

 

Yuuri was confused why Chris stopped talking to him altogether. He was confused why Worlds dragged on with only Phichit messaging him, there is this lonely feeling lingering deep inside of him at the moment. His anxiety bubbled up the more he thought about it, not understanding why Chris didn’t want to speak to him anymore. He kept ignoring his text messages as well, leaving him on read every single time he sent a message.

Ah… He already got sick of him, it seems. That… Sucks…

When Phichit finally returned from Worlds, he saw that Yuuri was a mess. Yuuri had broken down as soon as his best friend came right on through the door, and Yuuri hadn’t stopped clinging to Phichit ever since. It wasn’t that he was crying, but he was panicked because he didn’t understand what he did to have the male stop speaking to him so suddenly. Did he hurt him? Did it have something to do with the picture he sent? Was it bad? Oh god, why did he send that picture to him? It’s not like it was a picture like what Chris sent, but it was still super revealing!

Yuuri was terrified now. What if Chris showed everyone that picture?

“Yuuri, Chris isn’t like that at all. I’m sure he got busy! You need to lighten up, okay?” Phichit tried nudging Yuuri’s ice cream closer to him. He _hated_ that Yuuri upset. It broke his heart to see the older male like this, but Yuuri wouldn’t stop. He couldn’t stop. Being upset was something he was used to by now, but he’s never felt this… _Heartbroken._ “I’m sure he will message you soon… Chris isn’t that much of a player! People just think he is…”

That made things worse. What if Yuuri was that one person who was taken advantage of? What if he was that one person he decided to cast off to the side? Yuuri didn’t want to think about that, but he was. He couldn’t stop thinking about it now that he was around Phichit and talking about it. That’s when the conversation ended. Yuuri wasn’t the one to stop it, Phichit did. He decided to bring out the hamsters, wanting to make Yuuri happy. He hated seeing him so sad, and he hated to see him cry, especially when he never cried, but for some reason, he cried over Chris. There was no need to cry over him! They had a causal relationship that wouldn’t have led to more. Chris didn’t seem like the type of person to want to settle down right now.  
  
All Yuuri needed to worry about were the upcoming competitions that he needed to prepare for. While they seemed so far away, they were much sooner than what Yuuri would have expected, plus he needed all the practice he could get. He shouldn’t be worrying about some alpha who decided to come into his life, thinking he could show him the world in his own little way, and then destroy him so he could ruin his career. Yuuri wasn’t going to stand for that. He was going to focus on work and practice. That’s what he needed to do. He needed to voice act, make the money he could make, and think about his future. What was he going to do after the season coming up? Was he going to continue skating, or just simply pursue his voice acting career and go public?  
  
Yuuri didn’t know what he would do, but he honestly did have a lot to think about.  
  
Life wasn’t the easiest thing to live. Yuuri knew this firsthand from how he had felt over the years with being an omega. People often thought that he was some slut who would be more than willing to take a cock inside of him, or he was a prude for rejecting them, but he never yearned for someone before. This feeling was overwhelming, but Yuuri was learning more in life, and that’s something he could use for his skating. He wanted to have more passion for his skating, and he wanted to have more knowledge of the world to have it show in his skating. He hated being gloomy, but his life was filled with nothing but it, so Yuuri needed to try and find happiness in his life. He didn’t know whether or not that would be possible, but Yuuri would try like hell to make it possible.  
  
The more he experienced in life, the better he created a story, and everyone loved his stories. There were points in time when Yuuri didn’t mess things up, and at those points in time people looked at him. They noticed how well he skated and they took into account that he wasn’t just something to ignore. He wanted to make everyone stare at him, and he didn’t want a single person to take their eyes off of him, but that was something hard to do when he was competing against Viktor Nikiforov. He was the best skater out there, and no one could even begin to compare to him—besides one junior skater who was joining the senior division this year. Yuuri didn’t quite like Yuri from the run-in he had with him, but he would have to deal with him when that time comes.  
  
Yuuri was going to win gold one day, but it wasn’t going to be anytime soon if Yuuri didn’t grow his confidence, and he had ways just to do that. It was a matter of actually doing it that was the thing. If Yuuri didn’t do it for himself, Phichit would make sure to push Yuuri into growing his confidence a little bit more.  
  
It was going to happen soon, that was for sure.


End file.
